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The Folly Times
939
Man of Steel, Diet of Arby’s — Trump Demands New Superman Film Depict Him Punching Taxes and Kicking Migrants
After backlash to the new Superman film, President Trump demands a version featuring himself punching…
Retired Man Now Begins Every Day by Fixing Something That Wasn’t Broken
Harold Menzies begins every day by fixing household items that aren't broken. His wife, Marlene,…
Trump Threatens Rosie O’Donnell’s Citizenship: ‘She Is a Threat to Humanity’
President Trump says Rosie O'Donnell may lose her citizenship for “colluding with hurricanes,” suggesting a…
Pam Bondi and Dan Bongino Duel with Pistols at Dawn Over Epstein Tape
Dan Bongino and Pam Bondi settle a high-stakes Epstein tape dispute the old-fashioned way—with flintlock…
Dad Begins Lawn Mowing with Shirt On, Nation Awaits Update
Nation watches as local dad Ron Daley mows shirted, defying expectations and basic meteorology.
Epstein Officially Blamed for Every Major Conspiracy Theory by MAGA Base
MAGA has officially blamed Jeffrey Epstein for every major American conspiracy, including ones that predate…
Local Man Refuses to Use Self-Checkout, Demands Human Eye Contact
A Midwestern man sparks a checkout standoff after demanding old-school cashier service, emotional validation, and…
2K Picks Angel Reese Over Caitlin Clark to ‘Generate Engagement Through Chaos’
NBA 2K26 picked Angel Reese for its WNBA cover to “generate engagement through chaos,” bypassing…
Hawk Tuah Girl to Teach Sex Ed Curriculum in Tennessee Schools
TIME Top 100 creator Haliey Welch to launch a state-backed sex ed program in Tennessee,…
Trump Sets Tariff Deadline, Immediately Asks If It Can Be Postponed Until After ‘Shark Week’
Trump sets hard tariff deadline, immediately panics it overlaps with Shark Week. America’s trade war…
Jerome Powell Considers Retirement After Dismal Amazon Prime Day Sales
After a report showed a 41% drop in Prime Day sales, Jerome Powell blamed the…
Bondi: Epstein Suicide So Obvious, Cameras Took a Union Break
DOJ confirms Epstein died by suicide, Pam Bondi shreds documents during a Zyn-fueled cleaning spree.…
TSA to Let Travelers Keep Shoes On, But May Still Confiscate Your Dignity
TSA has ended the shoe-removal rule at checkpoints, but travelers are advised to keep their…
Deals for People Who Think Jeff Bezos Is Watching Them Through the Microwave
Are you tired of buying toilet paper and surveillance in the same box? Do you…
Joel Osteen Admits Prayer Doesn’t Work, But Still Recommends You Pay Him to Do It Anyway
Pastor Joel Osteen admits prayer doesn’t work but still encourages followers to tithe generously —…
Snack Wrap Is Back, and This Time It’s Personal
After years of memes, meltdowns, and fast-food fan fury, McDonald’s brings back the Snack Wrap…
Senate Accidentally Submits Cheesecake Factory Menu Instead of Tax Code — No One Notices
In an epic legislative fumble, the Senate passed a tax bill that included 67 pages…
Pam Bondi Accidentally Shreds Epstein Files After Mistaking Them for Clutter That ‘Didn’t Spark Joy’
Attorney General Pam Bondi accidentally destroys the first wave of Epstein files after mistaking them…
Elon Musk Finally Alienates Everyone He Ever Sold a Car To
Elon Musk launched his own political party after turning off the very liberals and conservatives…
Bessent: 95% of Economists Have TDS, the Other 5% Work for Me
Scott Bessent says most economists suffer from “Tariff Derangement Syndrome,” unless they work for him.…
Musk Announces New Party, Immediately Tries to Lay Off Half of It
Elon Musk announced the America Party to counter Trump’s megabill, then immediately laid off half…
Nation Braces for Annual Confusion Over Whether You Can Light Fireworks in a Drought
As the 4th of July nears, Americans navigate murky fireworks laws with the help of…
The Definitive All-Time U.S. Presidents Power Rankings
From bathtub-bound behemoths to wig-wearing demigods, we’ve ranked the commanders-in-chief by sheer chaos, legacy, and…
Lady Liberty Signs Streaming Deal, Freedom Now Pay-Per-View
Freedom has officially joined the streaming era, with Lady Liberty signing an exclusive deal to…
Trump to Host UFC Fight on White House Lawn, Offers Biden “Opening Bout” in Lawn Chair Joust
Trump announced a live UFC championship fight on the White House lawn for America’s 250th…
Suburban Dad Prepares for War Against Illegal Fireworks… Using Bigger, More Illegal Fireworks
A suburban dad’s war on illegal fireworks has escalated into a full-blown backyard arms race…
Boebert Demands Drug Test After Jeffries Sets Filibuster Record, Cites “Suspicious Vocabulary and Hydration”
Lauren Boebert demands a drug test after Hakeem Jeffries delivers marathon House speech, citing “advanced…
Nancy Mace Ditches Agenda, Goes Full-Time Content Creator with ‘Capitol Fit Check Fridays’
Rep. Nancy Mace has abandoned her legislative agenda for content creation, replacing policy priorities with…
New CDC Guidelines Recommend Childhood Exposure to Hose Water, Rusty Tools, and Low-Grade Fear
The CDC now recommends letting kids drink hose water, play with rusty tools, and experience…
Congress Slips Five Hidden Provisions into Trump’s Megabill While Nobody Was Looking
Tucked deep inside the 1,123-page Trump megabill are five ridiculous policies involving Reagan, dubstep, and…
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