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The Folly Times
964
Trump Denies Epstein Birthday Letter, Sues for $10 Billion, Says ‘I Don’t Even Know How to Draw a Boob That Small’
Trump launches $10B lawsuit against WSJ over Epstein birthday art, says boobs “look nothing like…
Trump Denies Drawing Epstein Letter, Says ‘I Never Wrote a Picture in My Life’ While Selling Another for $16K
President Trump denies ever drawing anything—even as signed sketches of suspiciously shapely skylines continue selling…
Trump Finally Agrees to Learn Chess After Realizing ‘4D’ Isn’t Just a Movie Format
Trump admits he doesn’t know how to play chess despite years of MAGA fans insisting…
Epstein Who? Trump Says He’s Just a ‘Teen Enthusiast’ And Really Into Pageants — ‘Totally Unrelated’
President Trump denies any connection to Epstein, insisting his interest in teen beauty pageants is…
Trump Installs Presidential Suite in Abandoned Alcatraz For His ‘Retirement’
Trump revamps Alcatraz as a beachfront federal facility “just in case,” sparking speculation it may…
Trump Sues Coca-Cola for Not Switching to Cane Sugar After Imaginary Conversation
President Trump files a lawsuit against Coca-Cola, claiming they broke a verbal agreement to replace…
Trump Diagnosed with Patriotic Obstruction Syndrome (POS) After Doctors Discover Too Much Freedom Trapped in His Legs
President Trump’s legs have swelled from an apparent overdose of “American pride,” prompting medics to…
Trump Appoints Diddy as Special Prosecutor for Epstein Files, Cites “Bad Boy for Life” as Proof of Tenacity
In a surprise move, President Trump named Sean “Diddy” Combs as Special Prosecutor to handle…
White House Says Americans Can Still Get Educational Content From YouTube Comments and Joe Rogan Clips
Trump defunds PBS and NPR, declares war on puppet-based learning. Big Bird to retrain as…
Coca-Cola to Release ‘Founders Formula’ After Trump Suggests Original Recipe Was “Peak Capitalism”
After a Trump Truth Social post praising the 1886 Coca-Cola recipe, the soda giant announces…
Trump: “We Have Zero Inflation, Zero Border Crossings, and Zero Epstein Clients. You’re Welcome.”
Trump says there are zero Epstein clients, zero inflation, and zero illegal crossings. “That’s not…
Chicago Confirms Sky Is Not Falling — Angel Reese Now Playing All Five Positions
Chicago Sky announces Angel Reese will now play all five positions after another dominant performance,…
Trump Disavows Epstein Truthers: “I Only Want the Support of Gullible Idiots Who Don’t Read or Think”
Trump calls Epstein story a Democrat hoax, declares he no longer wants the support of…
Faith Office Lunch Derails After Trump Declares Himself New Apostle
Trump shocked religious leaders at a White House luncheon by proclaiming himself the 13th Apostle,…
Trump Says Powell’s Office Upgrade Is ‘Fireable Offense’ — Also Demands Gold Toilet in White House Bathrooms
Trump calls Powell’s $2.5B Fed remodel a fireable offense, then demands a gold toilet and…
Trump Administration to Burn Emergency Rations, Cites Risk of ‘Feeding Future Terrorists With Good American Biscuits’
Trump orders the destruction of 500 tons of emergency food. USAID is gone, replaced by…
Charlie Kirk Declares Himself ‘Done Talking About Epstein,’ Receives Treat and Head Pat from Trump
After ranting about Epstein all weekend, Charlie Kirk suddenly ends discussion following a phone call…
Congress Declares Epstein Files ‘Too Real,’ Switches to Investigating UFOs and Taylor Swift Instead
Ghislaine Maxwell offers to testify on Epstein’s clients, but GOP leaders table the issue to…
176 Days into Trump’s Second Term and Still Blames Biden for His Inability to Find Obama’s Birth Certificate
Trump blames Biden for not locating Obama’s birth certificate, citing deep state filing cabinets and…
Trump Declares ‘Epstein Never Existed,’ Cites New Memo ‘Written by God, Proofread by Jesus’
Trump shocks the world, declaring Epstein imaginary and blaming 5G towers, windmills, and beer for…
Elmo Hack Traced to Oscar the Grouch After Trash Can Wi-Fi Exposed as ‘Unsecured Public Network’
Elmo’s wholesome X account was hijacked by a rogue user spewing hate. Sources now blame…
Fans Boo President Trump at FIFA Final, He Orders Booing Section Deported to ‘Alligator Alcatraz’
After fans booed President Trump at the FIFA Club World Cup Final, he responded by…
Newly Married Couple Adds Third Throw Pillow, Marriage Officially in Trouble Already
The honeymoon is over, and so is marital peace, after one couple introduces a third…
Biologists Classify JD Vance’s Jog as New Species of Flightless Flail
Vice President JD Vance’s strange Disneyland jog has been classified as a new species of…
New Romance Sparks Concern Among Friends as Jennifer Aniston Allegedly Believes She’s a Golden Retriever
Jennifer Aniston’s new romance takes an unexpected turn as she reportedly believes she’s a Golden…
Man of Steel, Diet of Arby’s — Trump Demands New Superman Film Depict Him Punching Taxes and Kicking Migrants
After backlash to the new Superman film, President Trump demands a version featuring himself punching…
Retired Man Now Begins Every Day by Fixing Something That Wasn’t Broken
Harold Menzies begins every day by fixing household items that aren't broken. His wife, Marlene,…
Trump Threatens Rosie O’Donnell’s Citizenship: ‘She Is a Threat to Humanity’
President Trump says Rosie O'Donnell may lose her citizenship for “colluding with hurricanes,” suggesting a…
Pam Bondi and Dan Bongino Duel with Pistols at Dawn Over Epstein Tape
Dan Bongino and Pam Bondi settle a high-stakes Epstein tape dispute the old-fashioned way—with flintlock…
Dad Begins Lawn Mowing with Shirt On, Nation Awaits Update
Nation watches as local dad Ron Daley mows shirted, defying expectations and basic meteorology.
