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The Folly Times
939
Caitlin Clark Credits Endless Rehab to “Finally Catching Up on Netflix Recommendations”
Caitlin Clark’s injury rehab has turned into a Netflix conquest, and she’s not apologizing for…
Congress Cheers D.C. Police Takeover, Says It’s About Time Escorts Could Get Home Without Getting Robbed by “Real Criminals”
Trump’s federal takeover of DC’s police force has Congress celebrating, saying their escorts can now…
Trump Asks SCOTUS to Approve “Pattern Recognition” in ICE Raids, Claims It’s Like Birdwatching but With Handcuffs
Trump administration asks Supreme Court to allow ICE agents in California to arrest based on…
Trump Seizes DC Police, Tells National Guard to ‘Arrest Anyone Who Looks Like They’re Reading the Constitution’
Trump shocks DC by seizing its police force and sending the National Guard after “suspicious”…
Man Claims to “Love Cooking at Home,” Spends $248 on Ingredients to Make $14 Pasta
Local man spends $248 to make a $14 pasta dish at home, proving once again…
AOL Finally Pulls Plug on Dial-Up, Forcing 160,000 Americans to Rejoin This Century
After 30 years, AOL is ending dial-up internet. About 160,000 Americans will now have to…
White House Unveils ‘Homeless Go Bye-Bye’ Plan, Includes Free Federal-Controlled Camps With Decorative Barbed Wire
Trump’s “Homeless Go Bye-Bye” plan moves D.C.’s homeless to federal camps “FAR” away, complete with…
NFL Coaches Pretend to Learn Something From Preseason Week 1 While Secretly Just Picking Favorite Long Snappers
NFL preseason Week 1 delivered dazzling rookie moments, unearned fan parades, and the league’s most…
White House Rose Garden Revamp Replaces Grass with Ballroom Planned for ‘Jeff’s Friends Only’
The White House Rose Garden has been replaced with marble, chandeliers, and a ballroom reportedly…
White House Portrait Hall Now Just Trump Photo in Mirror
Trump replaced the White House portrait hall with a mirror and moved past presidents near…
D-List Actor Who Played Superman 30 Years Ago Now Arresting Real People for “Fun”
Former Superman D-List actor Dean Cain has joined ICE to help deport migrants, sparking confusion,…
ICE Runs Out of Uniforms, Tells Recruits to ‘Just Bring a Sheet With Eyeholes’
ICE’s record-breaking recruitment effort has outpaced supply chains, leading the agency to suggest new hires…
ESPN and NFL Network Announce New Streaming Tier: $89.99/Month to Watch Your Team Lose in Peace
ESPN’s new $89.99 tier lets you stream just your favorite team’s embarrassing losses, now with…
Trump Says He’ll ‘Probably’ Not Run Again, Opts to Rule as Supreme Leader Instead
Trump says he “probably” won’t run again, not because of term limits — but because…
Deferred Resignation Now Top Career Goal Among Gen Z
The government’s buyout plan created a “do-nothing” dream job — and Gen Z is here…
Nancy Mace Promises to Ban Books, Pronouns, and Possibly Hurricanes in Bid for Governor
Nancy Mace launches her campaign for South Carolina governor by vowing to ban pronouns, books,…
Trump ‘Declassified’ Golf Scorecard, Says Losers ‘Just Don’t Golf at My Level’
Trump says his golf victory was so obvious it didn’t need counting, just “loyalty.”
Ted Cruz Admits Biden Never Spoke to Him, Nation Briefly Respects Biden
Ted Cruz says Biden never spoke to him in four years. Americans briefly appreciate Biden’s…
WNBA Launches ‘Bring Your Own Dildo’ Night to Take Back the Court
In response to a string of sex toy tosses during games, the WNBA embraces chaos…
Karoline Leavitt Denies Rumors of Trump Crush, Says Lips Only Fire Rounds at NPR and ‘Other Enemies of the People’
Trump says he loves her lips, she says they only shoot at NPR. America is…
Was That the Deep State? East Coast Earthquake Sends MAGA Into Full Conspiracy Meltdown
MAGA influencers melted down after a small earthquake hit New Jersey, blaming George Soros, climate…
Trump Administration Denies Creating All-Female Supervillain Team at Minimum-Security Prison
Trump denies any role in assembling America’s most delusional criminal dream team after Maxwell, Holmes,…
Lauren Boebert Named Head of Bureau of Labor Stats, Immediately Asks if ‘Payroll’ Is a Dog Breed
After firing the BLS commissioner, Trump taps Lauren Boebert to lead job reporting. Her first…
Microsoft Lists 40 Jobs Most at Risk from AI, Accidentally Puts ‘Microsoft Researcher’ at #1
Microsoft researchers listed the top jobs most exposed to AI—accidentally ranking their own job #1…
Doctor Admits 90% of Celebrity Lyme Cases Just Coincide With Tabloid Emergencies
After Justin Timberlake revealed his Lyme diagnosis, one doctor confessed that most celebrity cases are…
Trump Aces Presidential Fitness Test, Declares Himself ‘Most Jacked Commander-in-Chief in History’
Trump says he “aced” the revived Presidential Fitness Test. Officials say it involved shouting, stretching…
Teenagers Raiding Gas Stations for Spiked Celsius, Unsure if This Is a Recall or a Marketing Campaign
Gas station chaos erupts after teens discover that some Celsius cans are actually spiked with…
Trump’s Health Tracker App Sends Alerts if You’ve Eaten a Salad, Watched PBS or Doubted Jesus
Trump and RFK Jr. launch a new health app that monitors Americans for signs of…
Asteroid Expected to Slam Moon, End 5,000-Year Streak of Nothing Happening Up There
Scientists say asteroid YR4 may strike the moon in 2032, finally giving it something to…
Jerome Powell Reportedly Hiding in Utility Closet as Trump Circles Fed With Steak Knife
Fed Chair Jerome Powell reportedly hiding in closet as Trump storms the building demanding rate…
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