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The Folly Times
962
Mom Says “We’re Leaving in 5 Minutes,” Secretly Begins 45-Minute Exit Process
Local mom’s “five minute” warning accidentally triggers 45-minute departure marathon while dad stands silently holding…
Supreme Court Rules 6–3 That Alabama Must Always Be Included in Playoff “For Historical Reasons”
Justices cite “tradition and vibes” in surprising 6–3 ruling that locks Alabama into the postseason…
New Study Finds Drinking 8 Glasses of Water a Day Mostly Just Sends You to the Bathroom More
Scientists say the popular hydration rule may be useless — and mostly makes people professional…
Hooters Announces Bold $30M Rebrand: “What If We Just Became A Sad Applebee’s?”
Hooters announces a new strategy that replaces iconic uniforms and spicy wings with bland decor…
Cunningham Out For Season With Knee Injury, Blames “Constant Need To Dodge Flying Dildos”
Cunningham says months of “dildo evasive maneuvers” may have contributed to her season-ending knee injury…
Zelensky Thanks Trump Four Times in a Row Just to Avoid Provoking JD Vance Again
After a tense February exchange, Zelensky uses “gratitude strategy” while staff distract JD Vance with…
Trump Vows to End Mail-In Voting, Says America Should “Return to Hand-Carved Wooden Ballots Like the Founders Used”
Trump pushes for ancient voting methods as part of new effort to eliminate mail-in ballots…
Trump Praises Zelensky’s “Very Classy Black Suit,” Says War Could Have Ended Months Ago “If He Dressed Like This Sooner”
Trump says Ukraine war could end with better fashion choices as Zelensky rolls his eyes…
Parents Celebrate “Most Wonderful Time of the Year” as Children Return to School and Stop Asking for Snacks Every 6 Minutes
Parents celebrate the return of silence as children head back to school and immediately run…
Trump Thanks Putin for Leadership Tips on “Cleaning Up” Washington: “Your Work in Chechnya Was Inspirational”
Trump calls Putin’s methods “efficient and tasteful” after DC arrests skyrocket
Beastie Boys Sued After Brass Monkey Found to Be Just a Hungover Lemur in Costume
Fans file suit after learning the “brass monkey” wasn’t brass, funky, or a monkey
“America First” Teacher Exam Requires New York and California Educators to Prove Trump Won in 2020
Oklahoma adds political loyalty test for out-of-state teachers
Melania Praised for Not Plagiarizing Michelle Obama, Even Though the Letter Still Sounds Like a Beauty Pageant Answer
Experts stunned after First Lady writes something without "borrowing" from Michelle Obama
After Putin Summit, Trump Invites Zelenskyy to D.C. for “Peace Meeting” — Zelenskyy Responds: “Sure, But Make It Maui.”
After Alaska talks with Putin, Trump moves on to “step two” and immediately hits a…
Trump Orders Stealth Bomber to “Turn Off the Stealth” So Putin Can Appreciate How Cool It Looks
Alaska summit begins with bomber flyover and polite Russian nod
Putin Expected to Let Trump ‘Win’ First Round of Moose Racing to Boost Morale
Leaders chase a feel-good photo finish while real talks wait at the gate.
Intel Surges After Trump Says Government Will “Draft It in the First Round”
Trump treats the stock market like the NFL Draft, and Intel just went first overall.
Texas Braces for Gulf of America vs Gulf of Mexico Showdown Over Tropical Disturbance Stormy McStormface
Lone Star State prepares for possible floods, brisket shortage, and bad storm selfies.
Trump Federalizes DC Police Days After ‘Big Balls’ Beating, Conspiracy Theorists Smell a MAGA-Staged Masterpiece
After ‘Big Balls’ was beaten in DC, Trump took control of the police in record…
Man Hospitalized After ChatGPT Mistakes ‘Salt Substitute’ for ‘Industrial Pool Cleaner’
A man’s quest for a healthier diet took a turn for the toxic after ChatGPT…
Experts Assure Public: Horned Rabbits Won’t Kill You, Just Judge Your Lawn Care
Colorado wildlife says horned rabbits aren’t dangerous, but they may shame your landscaping from across…
White House to Smithsonian: ‘Remove Anything That Makes America Look Bad, Like Slavery, Prohibition, or the 2020 Election Results’
The White House orders Smithsonian curators to remove any exhibits that “make America look bad,”…
Maxwell Approved for Work Release, Immediately Named Director of Youth Outreach at Mar-a-Lago
Ghislaine Maxwell has a work release job as “Director of Youth Outreach” at Mar-a-Lago. Critics…
Caitlin Clark Credits Endless Rehab to “Finally Catching Up on Netflix Recommendations”
Caitlin Clark’s injury rehab has turned into a Netflix conquest, and she’s not apologizing for…
Congress Cheers D.C. Police Takeover, Says It’s About Time Escorts Could Get Home Without Getting Robbed by “Real Criminals”
Trump’s federal takeover of DC’s police force has Congress celebrating, saying their escorts can now…
Trump Asks SCOTUS to Approve “Pattern Recognition” in ICE Raids, Claims It’s Like Birdwatching but With Handcuffs
Trump administration asks Supreme Court to allow ICE agents in California to arrest based on…
Trump Seizes DC Police, Tells National Guard to ‘Arrest Anyone Who Looks Like They’re Reading the Constitution’
Trump shocks DC by seizing its police force and sending the National Guard after “suspicious”…
Man Claims to “Love Cooking at Home,” Spends $248 on Ingredients to Make $14 Pasta
Local man spends $248 to make a $14 pasta dish at home, proving once again…
AOL Finally Pulls Plug on Dial-Up, Forcing 160,000 Americans to Rejoin This Century
After 30 years, AOL is ending dial-up internet. About 160,000 Americans will now have to…
White House Unveils ‘Homeless Go Bye-Bye’ Plan, Includes Free Federal-Controlled Camps With Decorative Barbed Wire
Trump’s “Homeless Go Bye-Bye” plan moves D.C.’s homeless to federal camps “FAR” away, complete with…
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