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The Folly Times
962
Dean Cain Joins ICE, Immediately Realizes He Actually Just Needs Ice for His Injury
Superman once fought Lex Luthor. Now he’s fighting joint inflammation. Dean Cain’s short-lived ICE career…
Coworker Who Doesn’t Watch Football Somehow Drafts Perfect Fantasy Roster Again
Every fantasy league has one: the coworker who doesn’t watch football, couldn’t name a single…
White House Insists Trump Not Missing, Just Busy Cutting Epstein Island Ribbon for ‘Trump Youth Jobs Program’
Trump’s disappearance wasn’t a health scare — it was a ribbon-cutting ceremony for the new…
Math Professor Confirms You’re More Likely to Be Mauled by a Bear Riding a Shark During a Lightning Storm Than Win Lottery
The Powerball jackpot is nearly a billion, but your odds of winning are lower than…
Cowboys Trade Micah Parsons, Announce New Defensive Scheme Called ‘Just Hoping for Turnovers’
Dallas trades its star, unveils strategy best described as “football by horoscopes.”
Joe Rogan Endorses New Fitness Plan: Screaming Until You’re Shredded
Joe Rogan has launched the loudest fitness plan in history: yelling your way to peak…
Border Patrol Arrests Firefighters for Being Illegal, Fire Itself Still at Large
Two firefighters were arrested for immigration violations while the 9,000-acre Bear Gulch Fire kept burning.…
Soros Family Accused of Running Protest Cartel, Allegedly Controlling 85% of American Chant Supply
Trump has demanded RICO charges against George and Alex Soros, accusing them of running a…
Jay Cutler’s DUI Deal Includes 4 Days in Jail, 1 Mandatory Class on ‘How to Look Like You Care’
Jay Cutler’s DUI plea deal includes jail time and a mandatory class on how to…
Taylor Swift Engaged to Travis Kelce: NFL Approves Deal After Reviewing Salary Cap Implications
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s engagement isn’t just a love story — it’s an NFL…
Trump Pushes for U.S. to Buy 10% Stake in Cracker Barrel: “America Needs More Biscuit Futures”
Trump wants America to take a 10% stake in Cracker Barrel just like Intel. In…
Not a Dictator, Trump Clarifies, “Just a Guy With Excellent Common Sense About Martial Law”
Trump swears he’s not a dictator, just a man with flawless instincts about martial law,…
NFL Roster Cuts Explained: 90 Guys Fight to the Death So 53 Can Lose to the Chiefs Anyway
Every August, NFL dreams are crushed as rosters shrink from 90 to 53. Unfortunately, all…
MAHA — RFK Jr.’s Wellness Gummies Test Positive for Pure Snake Oil
RFK Jr.’s MAHA campaign hit a health hurdle after wellness gummies turned out to be…
Trump Declares War on Flag Burners, Accidentally Torches First Amendment Instead
Trump has declared war on flag burners, but the First Amendment may burn him back.…
After Hoax Shooter Post and Empty Rally, Nancy Mace Concludes Biggest Threat to South Carolina Is Herself
Nancy Mace’s campaign imploded faster than her own tweets. After boosting a hoax shooter story…
Trump Blames Wind Turbines for Screwworm Parasite Case: “The Bugs Get Dizzy, Fall on People”
The CDC says screwworm parasites came from Guatemala, but Trump insists they were “launched off…
Big Pharma Cheers as Rangers Bust Illegal Marijuana Farm in Sequoia, Citing “Patent Protection for God’s Medicine”
Rangers in Sequoia just wiped out a hidden marijuana farm, seizing thousands of plants and…
Man Refreshes Social Media Feed, Awaits Orders From Charlie Kirk on What to Hate
A Wichita man refreshes social media each morning to learn which trivial product or celebrity…
Shilo Sanders Ejected for Punching Bills Tight End, Proves He’s at Least Draft-Worthy in the UFC
Shilo Sanders’ NFL career might already be slipping, but luckily Jake Paul is still booking…
Nancy Mace Cancels Moms for Liberty Speech After Discovering Moms Had Better Things To Do
Nancy Mace expected a packed Moms for Liberty rally. Instead, she got eight chairs, a…
Ruby Tuesday Responds to Cracker Barrel’s Rebrand: “Finally, Someone Took the Spotlight Off Our Sad Salad Bar”
Every brand has an identity crisis, but only Ruby Tuesday can say we survived ours…
Trump Promises to “Fix Chicago,” Starts by Selling Red Hats That Say “Chicago Loves Trump”
Trump claims African-American women begged him to “fix Chicago,” unveiling imaginary red hats as proof…
Trump: ‘Intel Gave Me 10%. Now I Want the Other 90% of Their Secrets’
Trump claimed victory after America purchased 10% of Intel. Then he demanded the remaining 90%,…
Maxwell’s DOJ Interview Released: Reads Like Netflix Pilot That Forgot Its Own Plot
Maxwell’s DOJ interview was hyped as explosive. Instead, it played like a canceled Netflix series…
FBI Labels Bolton ‘National Security Threat,’ Trump Labels Museum Gift Shop ‘Deep State Trap’ as America Enters Raid Season
FBI hits Bolton, Trump raids museums, and pandas may be next — America’s new season…
Vegan Firefighter’s First Day Involves Extinguishing 40,000 Pounds of Ribeye
A truckload of ribeye steaks went up in flames on a Missouri highway, leaving behind…
Russia Bombs US-Owned Factory in Ukraine, Trump Calls It “Strong Negotiating Energy”
Days after shaking hands in Alaska, Putin sent missiles at an American-owned factory in Ukraine.…
New Black Border Wall Expected To Reach 500 Degrees, Finally Gives America World’s Largest Outdoor George Foreman Grill
DHS says painting the border wall black will stop migrants from climbing, but critics point…
MAGA Furious as Cracker Barrel Erases Old Guy from Logo, Say ‘They Came for Aunt Jemima, Now They’ve Come for Pawpaw’
Cracker Barrel’s new text-only logo has sparked outrage from conservatives who say nostalgia is under…
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