Bill Belichick’s girlfriend, Jordon Hudson, is banned from UNC football facilities. Apparently, being a muse doesn’t qualify you to call the plays.…
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Rep. Greene’s new $42 Gulf of America hat promises to protect liberty, confuse geographers, and deflect criticism one overpriced thread at a time.…
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Chicago-born Robert Prevost becomes Pope Leo XIV, but his hometown isn’t waiting for formalities. He’s Da Pope now and the deep dish is holy.…
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Trump’s long-awaited UK trade deal was upstaged by white smoke from the Vatican announcing a new pope. He’s not taking it well.…
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Vatican confirms the white smoke seen over the Sistine Chapel wasn’t for a new pope, but rather the incineration of the Epstein client list. Divine timing or strategic smokescreen?…
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The Vatican’s papal smoke tradition was briefly interrupted after a pizza chef accidentally smoked out the conclave. Vatican confirms: no pope, just pepperoni.…
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Trump claims he’s struck a deal with the penguins and seals of Heard and McDonald Islands. The animals have yet to comment. Or blink.…
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Trump brings back Alcatraz and invites Clint Eastwood to yell at an empty prison cell. Critics call it surreal; supporters call it “deeply moving and possibly legally binding.”…
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Senator JD Vance accuses ChatGPT users of bad manners and proposes a law to redirect AI politeness toward Elon Musk’s struggling Grok. Because of course he did.…
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Trump announces a 50% tariff on Cinco de Mayo celebrations, targeting margaritas, dancing, and joy. He calls it a necessary step to “protect American party jobs.”…
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