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The Folly Times
939
Bears Promise They’ll Fix Caleb Williams Right After They Finish Ruining Him
Bears leadership swears Caleb Williams will thrive… once they finish grinding his career into dust,…
Department of War Tells Reporters: ‘Obey, Or Lose Your Hall Pass’
Pete Hegseth claims reporters are a “safety risk” and imposes restrictions that make Pentagon coverage…
Ted Cruz Accidentally Makes Sense, Nation Unsure How to React
Ted Cruz produced one coherent thought in 2025, prompting historians to document it like a…
FCC Declares Only Punchlines Approved by Department of Homeland Laughs Allowed
Trump’s FCC unveils a Department of Homeland Laughs, suspends Kimmel, and promises America only safe,…
Trump Asks King Charles If Crown Comes in MAGA Red
At Windsor Castle, Trump quizzed King Charles about crowns, thrones, and brand options. The visit…
Windsor Castle Joins Streaming Wars, Debuts New True Crime Docuseries on Its Walls
Trump’s UK visit turned into a streaming event as Windsor Castle became a true crime…
Ben Eats Entire Warehouse of Chunky Monkey to Cope With Breakup From Jerry
After Jerry’s dramatic exit, Ben Cohen turns heartbreak into a 400,000-gallon ice cream binge. Vermont…
Study Finds One Charlie Kirk = 100 Elementary School Kids in Media Value
A new study reveals what many suspected: one conservative activist equals 100 children in the…
Quoting Charlie Kirk Now Considered Hate Speech by Charlie Kirk Fans
Supporters of Charlie Kirk have declared his own words off-limits, calling direct quotes “hate speech”…
Nation’s Unemployment Rate Soars as Employers Fire Staff for Charlie Kirk Takes
Job losses in America no longer tied to the economy, but to who dared to…
Should Flags Ever Go Back Up? Trump Says No, Calls Half-Mast ‘More Patriotic’
Trump orders U.S. flags to fly permanently at half-mast, claiming it shows strength and respect.…
Taco Bell Bottles No Match for Stolen Packets, Scientists Confirm
Bottled Taco Bell sauce may be convenient, but true flavor only comes with the thrill…
Every Social Media User Now a Forensic Analyst
Yesterday they were economists, today they’re CSI agents. Tomorrow they’ll be cardiologists. The internet never…
Trump Spotted Biting Blue Mystery Object, Nation Places Bets on Viagra vs. Altoid
The U.S. Open crowd wanted a five-set thriller, but instead got a close-up of Donald…
From Informant to Inquisitor: Johnson Upgrades Trump’s Resume to ‘Holy Crusader’
Johnson now insists Trump wasn’t a snitch but a divine knight of fries, smiting Epstein…
Trump Demands Larger Flag at US Open, Says Current One “Barely Covers My Ego”
Trump wasn’t satisfied with the massive U.S. Open flag, saying it was “too puny” and…
Caitlin Clark Denies Responsibility After Green Dildo Interrupts Browns Game
When a green dildo hit the turf in Cleveland, refs refused to measure it, Caitlin…
Trump to Award Giuliani Medal of Freedom, Critics Suggest Medal of Delusion Instead
Rudy Giuliani’s spine may be fractured, but his loyalty to Trump remains unbent. The former…
Global Shoppers Punish U.S. Over Trump Tariffs, Finally Try Jeans That Fit
Levi’s, Coke, and McDonald’s are watching foreign customers abandon them in droves. Trump calls it…
Trump’s U.S. Open Appearance to Be Edited Like North Korean Broadcast: Just Cheers, No Boos
The U.S. Open told broadcasters to censor boos, chants, or protests during Trump’s appearance, turning…
Trump Declares DOT ‘Woke,’ Rebrands It as the ‘Department of Trump’
Trump scraps the Department of Transportation name in favor of his own brand, claiming the…
Trump Says New ‘Rose Garden Club Needs Girls and More of Those Good Old Epstein Vibes’
Trump unveiled his “Rose Garden Club” with senators and donors, then ruined the ambiance by…
Trump’s Secret FBI Codename ‘Big Mac’ Revealed in Botched Donnie BrascTrump Epstein Sting
Republicans now claim Donald Trump’s secret FBI codename was “Big Mac,” and his undercover Epstein…
Love Story Turns Tragedy: Chiefs Offense Collapses After Kelce Proposes to Taylor Swift
The Chiefs’ Week 1 collapse had less to do with football and more to do…
Kristi Noem’s Rolex Costs More Than Every Inmate’s Commissary Balance Combined
Kristi Noem wore a $50K Rolex while threatening inmates at the new “Louisiana Lockup” ICE…
Pentagon Rebrand to ‘War’ Expected to Save $350.56 in Letterhead Costs
Trump insists “defense” was too woke, renaming the Pentagon to the Department of War. Officials…
Trump Axes Airline Compensation Rule — Passengers Now Paid in Thoughts and Prayers
Stranded fliers hoping for compensation can now count on prayer instead. The administration says spiritual…
RFK Jr’s Brain Worm Delivers Stronger Testimony Than RFK Jr
Senate hearings are supposed to reveal the truth, but nobody expected it to come from…
Majority of Americans Don’t Trust Polls, According to Poll They Don’t Trust
A new poll shows Americans reject polling itself, leaving researchers trapped in a paradox where…
Death Still Number One Way to Avoid COVID, but Common Cold Comes in a Respectable Second, Researchers Say
Scientists discover your runny nose is more useful than two years of hoarded Lysol wipes.…
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