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The Folly Times
964
Elon Musk’s Family Tree Now Considered National Forest
Elon Musk’s sprawling family has reached federal recognition status, earning its own protected designation as…
Disney Denies Ride Entry to Woman in Sports Bra, Husband Banished for Excessive Muscle Tone
A couple’s day at Disney World took a turn when a sports bra sparked a…
SCOTUS Rules 6–3 in Favor of Arby’s for Lunch, Citing ‘Divine Right of Meat’
In a 6–3 ruling, the Supreme Court has officially selected Arby’s for lunch, declaring meat…
Did Texas Just Make It Harder to Watch Porn Than to Get a Gun?
The Supreme Court backs Texas’ porn ID law, creating the world’s first digital strip search…
Trump Negotiates Historic New Trade Deal Where America Taxes Itself Three Times Harder Than China Does. Art of the Deal, Baby.
Trump’s latest trade agreement triples tariffs on U.S. consumers while letting China off the hook,…
New Study Finds Vaping Is Basically Just Inhaling a Penny Melted Over a Yankee Candle
A UC Davis study found lead levels in some disposable vapes equivalent to 19 packs…
Microsoft Replaces Blue Screen of Death With More Emotionally Appropriate Black Screen
Microsoft says goodbye to the blue screen of death and hello to a black one,…
Consumer Spending Tanks as Men Wander Home Depot Aimlessly for Three Hours, Buy Nothing
Consumer spending fell as Americans abandoned purchases in restaurants, car lots, and especially Home Depot,…
Trump Claims Journalist Leaked Secrets by “Looking Unpatriotic,” Demands She Be Fired “Like a Dog”
After days of watching CNN’s Natasha Bertrand, Donald Trump accused her of leaking national secrets…
‘Dukes of Hazzard’ Star Cletus Hogg Dies
The late Richard Hurst, a.k.a. Deputy Cletus Hogg, received the loudest funeral in Tennessee history…
Trump Mobile Rebrands ‘Made in USA’ as ‘Emotionally Manufactured in America’
The Trump Organization quietly drops “Made in the USA” claims for its T1 phone, replacing…
Jeff Bezos’ Venice Wedding Delivers Free Shipping on Ego, Two-Day Return for Dignity
Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez’s wedding in Venice featured star guests, dramatic venue shifts, and…
Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom End Engagement After Realizing “Firework” Was Just a Sparkler
After nearly 10 years together, Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom have reportedly ended their relationship.…
Trump Blames Shrinking GDP on Economy “Taking a Nap”
The U.S. economy shrank in Q1 2025 as tariffs and trade gaps took a toll.…
Supreme Court Rules States Can Defund Planned Parenthood, Suggests Women Use YouTube Tutorials Instead
The Supreme Court ruled that Medicaid patients can’t sue states for defunding Planned Parenthood, clearing…
Epic Games Fined for Accidentally Teaching Kids Economics the Hard Way
Fortnite’s developer Epic Games is refunding $126 million to players misled by shady design tricks.…
Capitol Police Arrest Disabled Protesters for Offense of Having Conscience and Wheelchairs
NEED TO KNOW Capitol Police arrested 34 people, including multiple disabled Americans in wheelchairs, during…
Austin PD Confirms Liver King’s Arrest Was Due to ‘Too Much Beef, Not Enough Brain’
Brian “Liver King” Johnson was arrested in Austin after threatening Joe Rogan in an unhinged…
Iran’s Nuclear Scientists File Restraining Order Against Donald Trump’s Ego
Trump says he’ll strike Iran again if it rebuilds its nuclear program. Iran’s scientists respond…
U.S. Customs Denies Entry to Tourist for Possessing Unlicensed Satire of JD Vance
A Norwegian tourist says he was deported for a meme mocking JD Vance. Homeland Security…
Lady Liberty Wears Niqab After Learning a Muslim Might Run NYC
Zohran Mamdani wins NYC’s Democratic primary, and the right loses it like he personally moonwalked…
Cuomo Promises to “Rebuild Trust” But Accidentally Says “Thrust” During Speech
Andrew Cuomo accidentally promised to “rebuild thrust” instead of trust during a campaign speech, reigniting…
The “You’re Officially Old Now” Starter Pack
Welcome to the age where your back goes out more than you do. Whether you’re…
Democrats Furious Trump Said “F#*k” Without House Committee Approval
Trump said “they don’t know what the f**k they’re doing,” and Democrats are livid he…
Trump Declares Ceasefire Between Israel and Iran, Blames Biden Just in Case
Trump announced a ceasefire between Israel and Iran on Truth Social, then immediately blamed Biden…
Indiana: Cross-tollroads of America
Governor Mike Braun just made Indiana the first state to toll every interstate. Lawmakers call…
Supreme Court Says U.S. Can Deport Criminals to Random Countries, Must Fly Spirit
The Supreme Court approved deporting criminals to countries they’ve never been to, provided they fly…
Trump Says He’s Too Successful for a Third Term, Opts for Reality TV Glory Instead
Donald Trump says his second term has been so successful he won’t seek a third.…
MAGA Claims Only They Can Legally Have Conspiracy Theories
After Trump’s shooting and airstrikes on Iran, MAGA declared itself the only group legally allowed…
Marjorie Taylor Greene Shocked to Discover President Can Drop Bombs Without Consulting Her Blog
Marjorie Taylor Greene lashed out after Trump bombed Iran without her permission, demanding peace, accountability,…
