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Tag: NFL
Survey Finds Chicagoans Trust Shirtless Ben Johnson More Than Any Elected Official
Ben Johnson takes his shirt off, the Bears take the win, and Chicago prepares to…
Study Finds Lions Fans Age Four Years Every Holiday Broadcast
Doctors confirm watching Detroit football on Thanksgiving counts as cardio, but only in tragic doses.
Trump Says Naming Stadium After Him Would “Honor Redskins Tradition of Racism”
President Trump says naming Washington’s new stadium after him would “honor the Redskins’ proud legacy…
Tom Brady Says He’ll Keep Cloning Himself Until One Finally Beats Eli Manning
Tom Brady insists modern science will do what the Patriots couldn’t: erase Eli Manning from…
Wasn’t in the Playbook: Ex-NFL Star Quits FBI After Trump Calls Blitz on Immigrants
The ex-Bears legend says he joined to protect the country, not help the president call…
Bears Promise They’ll Fix Caleb Williams Right After They Finish Ruining Him
Bears leadership swears Caleb Williams will thrive… once they finish grinding his career into dust,…
Caitlin Clark Denies Responsibility After Green Dildo Interrupts Browns Game
When a green dildo hit the turf in Cleveland, refs refused to measure it, Caitlin…
Love Story Turns Tragedy: Chiefs Offense Collapses After Kelce Proposes to Taylor Swift
The Chiefs’ Week 1 collapse had less to do with football and more to do…
Coworker Who Doesn’t Watch Football Somehow Drafts Perfect Fantasy Roster Again
Every fantasy league has one: the coworker who doesn’t watch football, couldn’t name a single…
Cowboys Trade Micah Parsons, Announce New Defensive Scheme Called ‘Just Hoping for Turnovers’
Dallas trades its star, unveils strategy best described as “football by horoscopes.”
Jay Cutler’s DUI Deal Includes 4 Days in Jail, 1 Mandatory Class on ‘How to Look Like You Care’
Jay Cutler’s DUI plea deal includes jail time and a mandatory class on how to…
Taylor Swift Engaged to Travis Kelce: NFL Approves Deal After Reviewing Salary Cap Implications
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s engagement isn’t just a love story — it’s an NFL…
