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Lifestyle Local Woman Claims Microwave Beep Is Passive-Aggressive|Family Area Dad Buys 14-Foot Ladder, Nothing Left to Prove|Health Surgeon General Warns Against Reheating Fish at Work|Business Pet Lizard Named Regional Sales Director in Restructuring|Entertainment Ghost Haunting Basement Just Lonely, Wants to Be in Book Club|Relationships “It’s Not You, It’s Mercury in Retrograde,” Says Breakup Text|Finance Toddler Declares Bankruptcy After Spree at Gumball Machine|Law Florida Man Wins Lawsuit Against Gravity|Tech Man Trapped in Group Text Since 2018, Sends Final SOS|Science AI Predicts Own Doom, Correctly Schedules HR Exit Interview|U.S. Emotional Support Squirrel Rejected by TSA, Starts Podcast|Work Woman on Zoom Call Wears Pajamas of Increasing Power|Education Conspiracy Theorist Discovers He’s Actually Just Bad at Puzzles|World Coffee Shop Declares Independence, Prints Own Currency|Politics Senator Accidentally Votes for Own Removal, Blames Glitch|Business New AI CEO Fires Entire Board, Hosts Motivational Webinar|Entertainment Man Watching Movie on Plane Thinks He’s Better Than You|Science Scientists Confirm Moon Still There, Just Tired of Our Sh*t|World Iceland Apologizes for Being So Cool About Literally Everything| Lifestyle Local Woman Claims Microwave Beep Is Passive-Aggressive|Family Area Dad Buys 14-Foot Ladder, Nothing Left to Prove|Health Surgeon General Warns Against Reheating Fish at Work|Business Pet Lizard Named Regional Sales Director in Restructuring|Entertainment Ghost Haunting Basement Just Lonely, Wants to Be in Book Club|Relationships “It’s Not You, It’s Mercury in Retrograde,” Says Breakup Text|Finance Toddler Declares Bankruptcy After Spree at Gumball Machine|Law Florida Man Wins Lawsuit Against Gravity|Tech Man Trapped in Group Text Since 2018, Sends Final SOS|Science AI Predicts Own Doom, Correctly Schedules HR Exit Interview|U.S. Emotional Support Squirrel Rejected by TSA, Starts Podcast|Work Woman on Zoom Call Wears Pajamas of Increasing Power|Education Conspiracy Theorist Discovers He’s Actually Just Bad at Puzzles|World Coffee Shop Declares Independence, Prints Own Currency|Politics Senator Accidentally Votes for Own Removal, Blames Glitch|Business New AI CEO Fires Entire Board, Hosts Motivational Webinar|Entertainment Man Watching Movie on Plane Thinks He’s Better Than You|Science Scientists Confirm Moon Still There, Just Tired of Our Sh*t|World Iceland Apologizes for Being So Cool About Literally Everything|
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Folly Times

Football

Bill Belichick and Jordon Hudson seated together, speaking privately

UNC Clarifies: Jordon Hudson Isn’t on Payroll, Just in the Box Seats

Emails reveal Bill Belichick’s girlfriend Jordon Hudson isn’t on UNC’s payroll—just his book’s formatting credits and CBS shoutout list.…

Da Pope Adds Walter Payton Fathead to Papal Quarters, Declares Bears “God’s Team”

Pope Leo XIV has customized his quarters with a Walter Payton Fathead, Da Bears posters, and a side of Midwestern reverence. Heaven, meet…

Bill Belichick’s Girlfriend Banned From UNC Football Facility After Forgetting She Isn’t the Head Coach

Bill Belichick’s girlfriend, Jordon Hudson, is banned from UNC football facilities. Apparently, being a muse doesn’t qualify you to call the plays.…

Miami Dolphins Coach Mike McDaniel’s Transformation into ‘Mike Scarface’

Mike McDaniel has embraced his inner Tony Montana, leaving fans and players wondering if the Dolphins are running plays or a crime syndicate.…

Aaron Rodgers Searching for the Perfect Cave to Live In After Trade to Jets

Aaron Rodgers has reportedly begun his search for the perfect cave to live in after news broke of his trade to the New…

USFL and XFL Compete to See Who Scores Bankruptcy First

The USFL and XFL have announced that they are now competing to see which professional football league will go bankrupt first. Both leagues…

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Hemp plant with human hands visible

Congress To Quietly Ban Hemp After Realizing It Helps People Feel Better Without Lobbyists

Chuck E. Cheese mascot being arrested by police officer inside restaurant

Mascot Arrested at Chuck E. Cheese, Kids Thought It Was Part of a Birthday Package Upgrade

Trump and Jerome Powell wearing hard hats and reviewing renovation blueprints during Federal Reserve site visit

Trump Points at Random Blueprint, Demands Powell Justify Every Dollar Spent on a Staircase

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