White House Says Americans Can Still Get Educational Content From YouTube Comments and Joe Rogan Clips
Trump defunds PBS and NPR, declares war on puppet-based learning. Big Bird to retrain as HVAC tech.…
Coca-Cola to Release ‘Founders Formula’ After Trump Suggests Original Recipe Was “Peak Capitalism”
After a Trump Truth Social post praising the 1886 Coca-Cola recipe, the soda giant announces Founders Formula: vintage glass, real sugar, and “definitely…
Trump: “We Have Zero Inflation, Zero Border Crossings, and Zero Epstein Clients. You’re Welcome.”
Trump says there are zero Epstein clients, zero inflation, and zero illegal crossings. “That’s not denial,” he explained, “that’s patriotism.”…
Trump Disavows Epstein Truthers: “I Only Want the Support of Gullible Idiots Who Don’t Read or Think”
Trump calls Epstein story a Democrat hoax, declares he no longer wants the support of followers “who read too much.” MAGA influencers spiral.…
Faith Office Lunch Derails After Trump Declares Himself New Apostle
Trump shocked religious leaders at a White House luncheon by proclaiming himself the 13th Apostle, calling Judas “a weak closer” and referencing $1.95…
Trump Says Powell’s Office Upgrade Is ‘Fireable Offense’ — Also Demands Gold Toilet in White House Bathrooms
Trump calls Powell’s $2.5B Fed remodel a fireable offense, then demands a gold toilet and velvet bidet for the White House.…
Trump Administration to Burn Emergency Rations, Cites Risk of ‘Feeding Future Terrorists With Good American Biscuits’
Trump orders the destruction of 500 tons of emergency food. USAID is gone, replaced by a biscuit bonfire and a new food czar…
Charlie Kirk Declares Himself ‘Done Talking About Epstein,’ Receives Treat and Head Pat from Trump
After ranting about Epstein all weekend, Charlie Kirk suddenly ends discussion following a phone call from Trump—and appears fully domesticated.…
Congress Declares Epstein Files ‘Too Real,’ Switches to Investigating UFOs and Taylor Swift Instead
Ghislaine Maxwell offers to testify on Epstein’s clients, but GOP leaders table the issue to chase easier headlines and alien sightings.…
176 Days into Trump’s Second Term and Still Blames Biden for His Inability to Find Obama’s Birth Certificate
Trump blames Biden for not locating Obama’s birth certificate, citing deep state filing cabinets and suspicious lasagna boxes.…
