White House Labels South Park ‘Leftist Terror Cell,’ Orders DHS to Monitor Kenny
The Trump White House has labeled “South Park” a “leftist terror cell” after a brutal season premiere and filed a $5 billion lawsuit…
IRS to Audit ‘Just the Poors and Regular Liars’ After Trump Budget Cuts Hit Rich-Guy Squad
Trump’s new IRS strategy targets the poor while wealthy taxpayers receive audit immunity and free golf tees.…
Pay Up or Stay Forever: Trump Strikes ‘Freedom Tariff’ Deal with China
China unveils Staycation Plus™, offering detained Americans continental breakfast, soft pillows, and an optional exit tariff. Trump calls it a “great trade.”…
Trump Declares ‘Transparency Time’ Releases JFK, RFK, MLK, and His Own McDonald’s Orders
Trump calls it “Transparency Time,” releasing MLK, JFK, RFK files — and his own fast food receipts — in what historians are calling…
Gabbard Refers Obama for ‘Conspiracy to Collude With Collusion’ in Time-Looping Indictment
Tulsi Gabbard has referred Obama to the DOJ for allegedly creating the Russia collusion narrative before it happened. Trump celebrated with a deepfake…
Powell Yells “Just Close the F*cking Door” as GOP Refers Him for Crimes He Didn’t Commit Fast Enough
After a criminal referral over luxury renovations, Fed Chair Jerome Powell asks the real question: Why is this damn door always open?…
Trump Sketches Redskins Logo on Back of Epstein Birthday Card, Says ‘Drawing’s Always Been a Safe Place for Me’
President Trump reignites controversy by sketching a new Redskins logo on the back of Jeffrey Epstein’s birthday card, calls it “recycling and patriotism.”…
Trump Nominates Florida Scratch-Off Legend to Run the Fed: ‘He’s Got the Golden Fingernail’
President Trump replaces Jerome Powell with Dale “Big Money” Jenkins, a Florida scratch-off legend whose economic strategy involves luck, prayer, and bonus rounds.…
Trump Offers Missiles to Ukraine, Says “Sometimes You Gotta Gaslight Both Sides”
Trump announces Patriot missile deal for Ukraine, confusing everyone including himself. “It’s called tough love — and arms dealing,” he says.…
Ted Cruz and Wife Seen Laughing at Trump’s Jokes About Her Face, Marriage Stronger Than Ever
After years of insults, Ted Cruz and his wife Heidi laughed it off over filet mignon with Trump, proving that if you can’t…
