Trump Holds Up Congo Massacre Photo to Prove South African Genocide, World Stares Blankly
Trump accused South Africa of white genocide using a Congo war photo, proving once again that foreign policy is now just a tab…
Kermit the Frog Delivers Commencement Address, Immediately Defunded by Trump Administration
Kermit the Frog inspires graduates, Trump defunds PBS, and somewhere Big Bird is being audited. Just another Thursday in America.…
Treasury Secretary Announces Support for Digital Assets Right After Monetizing Trump’s Meme Coin
Treasury Secretary says Trump is “going big” on digital assets, right after Trump threw a gala for people who bought his meme coin.…
Will Trump’s iPhone Tariff Make You Pay $3,500 to Autocorrect “Covfefe”?
Trump threatens Apple with tariffs unless it builds iPhones in America, proving once again he understands manufacturing the same way toddlers understand cloud…
Trump Removes Solar Tax Credits in Big Beautiful Bill, Cites Longstanding Feud With the Sun
Trump cuts solar tax credits in his Big Beautiful Bill, finally settling his grudge against the sun for daring to shine too brightly…
Trump Spokeswoman Says It’s “Absurd” to Think He’s Profiting From Presidency, Immediately Sells $95 Golf Towels
Trump’s spokeswoman says it’s absurd to think he’s profiting off the presidency, then immediately sells $95 towels and probably your dignity.…
Trump’s “One Big Beautiful Bill” Passes by One Vote, Nation Now Only One Cracker Barrel Fight from Collapse
Trump’s One Big Beautiful Bill passes by one vote, making history and ensuring toddlers can now invest tax-free in freedom.…
Trump to Walmart: Eat the Tariffs, Don’t Raise Prices or Else
Trump warned Walmart not to blame his tariffs for price hikes, insisting the company should absorb the cost. “Inflation is a choice,” he…
MAGA Asks Trump to Abolish Pride Month, Says Rainbows “Too Aggressive”
MAGA asks Trump to cancel Pride Month, calling it extreme. The LGBTQ+ community responded with grace, glitter, and one disco tank.…
Trump Slams Supreme Court, Springsteen, and Swift in Late-Night Truth Binge
Trump took aim at Taylor Swift, Bruce Springsteen, and the Supreme Court in one rant. Swifties responded faster than Congress ever will.…
