Washington D.C. — Former President Donald Trump has declared that he will not be participating in the first Republican debate. Instead, he plans to embark on a mission of “fruitful diplomacy,” personally delivering a crate of apples to Russian President Vladimir Putin.
In an exclusive interview with “Oranges of Truth,” a fruit-themed news outlet, Trump revealed his novel approach to international relations. “Look folks, I’ve always said that I have the best ideas. And let me tell you, sending apples to Putin is a tremendous idea. Apples are fantastic, very healthy. I know Putin will appreciate it, believe me.”
The announcement has left political analysts and comedians alike scratching their heads. Some speculate that this move is a subtle jab at his critics who have often referred to him as “Trump the Orange.” However, Trump insists that this decision is rooted in his unparalleled diplomatic genius.
“I’ve always had a great relationship with Putin, everyone knows that. We used to talk on the phone all the time, tremendous conversations,” Trump continued. “But you know, people said our relationship was ‘cored’ and ‘rotten.’ Well, let me tell you, these apples are the best, just like our relationship.”
When questioned about the timing of this fruit-focused diplomatic endeavor, Trump brushed off concerns. “People are always saying, ‘Donald, why now?’ Well, why not now? I’ve got a lot of free time on my hands, and Putin loves apples. It’s a win-win, folks.”
The Republican National Committee seemed puzzled by Trump’s decision, but refrained from commenting directly on the matter. Party spokesperson Jane Smithson stated, “We respect Mr. Trump’s choice to focus on matters close to his heart… or stomach, as the case may be.”
Meanwhile, on the international stage, Putin’s response was mixed. In a statement released by the Kremlin, Putin’s Press Secretary Dmitry Peskov said, “President Putin values all gestures of goodwill. However, we would like to clarify that our diplomatic discussions are typically conducted through more conventional channels.”
Trump’s fruit-filled escapade has ignited a wave of reactions on social media. Memes of Trump dressed as Johnny Appleseed and cartoons depicting him juggling apples while riding a unicycle have flooded the internet. #AppleDiplomacy and #FruitfulFriendship have trended on Twitter, while comedians have found new material to add to their routines.
As the former president’s apple-filled journey draws near, many are left wondering if this will set a new precedent for international diplomacy. Is the age-old saying “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” about to be replaced with “an apple a day keeps nuclear tensions away”? Only time will tell if Trump’s fruity diplomacy will bear fruit or if it will simply be a hilarious footnote in the annals of history.
