PALM BEACH, FLORIDA – Four time indicted (at the time this story originally ran), former President Donald Trump has once again made headlines, this time for enlisting the help of his trusted IT person, Yuscil Taveras, to address what he called a “tremendous and urgent crisis” – a stuck caps lock key on his keyboard.
Sources close to the situation reveal that the incident occurred late at night, when Trump was composing a series of fiery social media posts aimed at his political adversaries. Eyewitnesses claim to have heard frustrated pounding and the distinct sound of expletives emanating from the former president’s office. One staffer, who wished to remain anonymous, described the situation as “a real truth-storm in there.”
Panicked and in a state of distress, Trump reportedly dialed a number saved as “Yuscil IT Genius” in his phone. Taveras, who had been relaxing by the Mar-a-Lago pool sipping on an artisanal kale smoothie, rushed to the scene armed with only a paperclip and a can of compressed air.
“I’ve dealt with some serious computer crises in my time, but this one was next-level,” Taveras remarked. “When I walked in, President Trump was sweating like he’d just lost a Truth Social follower, and his keyboard looked like it had been through a wrestling match with the caps lock key.”
Taveras valiantly attempted to diagnose and solve the issue, using all the technical wizardry at his disposal. After an intense five minutes of prodding, poking, and a brief power cycle, Taveras managed to restore the caps lock key to its upright position. The former president reportedly breathed a sigh of relief that could be heard as far away as Mar-a-Lago’s gold-plated entrance gates.
“I’ve always said Yuscil is the best IT guy in the business, maybe the best in the world,” Trump said, patting Taveras on the back. “He knew exactly what to do, and let me tell you, he did it with tremendous style. Very impressive.”
While some critics are quick to label the incident as a distraction from more pressing matters, Trump’s fervent supporters have rallied around him, hailing his ability to triumph over adversity, even in the face of technical glitches.
The news of Taveras’ heroic intervention has sparked speculation about a potential new career path for the IT whiz. Some pundits are even suggesting that Taveras should be considered for a key position in the next administration – as the “Secretary of Stuck Keys” or perhaps the “Cabinet-Level Caps Control Czar.”
As the story continues to unfold, one thing is clear: Yuscil Taveras has etched his name into history as the man who saved Trump from a caps-astrophe of epic proportions. Whether this incident will have any impact on the global stage remains to be seen, but for now, the world can rest assured that the former president’s social media posts will once again be delivered with the appropriate mix of capital letters and exclamation marks.
