Republicans in Congress have launched a bold campaign to impeach President Joe Biden over a series of allegations that they admit they don’t even know are true. Unfazed by trivialities such as evidence or facts, these courageous lawmakers are taking a stand against the tyranny of verified information.
Leading the charge is Representative Lauren Boebert, a renowned advocate for alternative reality. Speaking at a press conference surrounded by a motley crew of conspiracy theorists, Boebert passionately declared, “We don’t need concrete evidence or pesky investigations to take action. We are the guardians of truthiness, and if it feels true, it must be impeachable!”
The allegations swirling around the president range from wild fantasies to nonsensical suppositions. One particularly imaginative claim asserts that President Biden is secretly controlling the weather with a clandestine “Climate Manipulation Ray” located in the basement of the White House. Although the existence of such a device has yet to be substantiated, that hasn’t deterred Republicans from putting their tinfoil hats on and demanding immediate impeachment proceedings.
Another imaginative accusation centers around a supposed “Underground Avocado Cartel” that President Biden allegedly spearheads, controlling the avocado supply chain to manipulate guacamole prices nationwide. While the notion of a clandestine avocado empire sounds utterly preposterous, Republicans argue that it is their duty to take it seriously and pursue impeachment as a matter of principle.
Unfazed by the incredulity of these allegations, Republicans are prepared to launch a massive investigation of nothingness. They plan to assemble an elite team of researchers skilled in unearthing imaginary evidence, including Bigfoot trackers, UFO enthusiasts, and tea leaf readers, all funded by taxpayer dollars, of course.
Critics argue that this Republican campaign is nothing more than a political sideshow, designed to distract from real issues and impede any progress or constructive debate. However, supporters applaud their efforts as an ingenious means of wielding power without the constraints of boring facts or objective truth.
In response to accusations of hypocrisy, Boebert asserted, “Look, we were just following the precedent set during the previous administration. If allegations without evidence were enough then, why not now? We’re just applying the same rules consistently. Or inconsistently. Whatever works for us.”
While the Republican impeachment crusade may seem like a farcical episode straight out of a satirical sitcom, it serves as a stark reminder of the perils of a post-truth era. In the face of growing divisions and a crumbling public discourse, one thing is certain: truthiness is the new truth, and facts are so last season.
