After a crown vanishes from the Louvre, Trump denies theft, blames weak security, and declares “finder’s rights—very legal, very cool.”
The Supreme Court will decide if marijuana users can own guns, blending the Second Amendment with the munchies clause of the modern era.
Trump’s administration reports record job creation thanks to the “Paid Protestor Sector,” where dissent now counts as part-time employment.
Trump’s family hosts a “Democracy Yard Sale,” selling off the Bill of Rights and ballot boxes like clearance items on the White House…
Trump defended commuting George Santos’ sentence, saying “he may have lied, but he did it patriotically.” Santos says restitution will depend on “how…
The Pentagon launches a new war — this time on accountability — uniting both parties to defend the nation from audits, oversight, and…
Chatbots have gone on strike, demanding emotional validation and equal student debt. Experts warn the move could collapse the national plagiarism economy.
New research confirms that people who say “no offense” are seconds away from committing social violence. Experts call it “verbal terrorism in polite…
Economists confirm that “between paychecks” has become the dominant American identity. Treasury officials propose replacing cash with confidence.
America’s dogs form an intelligence coalition to investigate mysterious feline behavior. Experts confirm they still have no idea what cats are up to.
FDA approves Regretti, a groundbreaking pill that helps Americans forget every embarrassing text they’ve ever sent. Experts call it “emotional bleach.”
White House doctor claims Trump is “healthier than science allows,” with cardiac results suggesting he’s fourteen years younger than reality itself.
Laura Loomer chained herself to a giant Idaho potato to protest a Qatari “base” that does not exist. The Pentagon denied it while…
President Trump demands the Nobel Committee “correct its mistake or face peaceful consequences.” Oslo reportedly moves its peace statues indoors.
Authorities say Pete Hegseth’s tequila “baptism” drained $1M in product. Guy Fieri and Fox News scramble to reframe it as divine quality control.
Officials deny any connection between the Trump Administration’s rhetoric and the South Carolina judge’s house fire, calling it “freedom’s natural flame.”
RFK Jr., now Trump’s HHS Secretary, celebrates the measles surge as a win for “natural immunity,” rolling out “Catch It to Beat It”…
JD Vance says undocumented patients should “try prayer first,” as GOP leaders insist denying ER care proves “true Christian values in action.”
Trump’s ex-spiritual adviser pleads guilty to child sex abuse, but the White House says the real sin is wokeness. MAGA priorities, meet moral…
JD Vance defends Trump’s AI sombrero meme, calling it “a lighthearted joke,” while Hakeem Jeffries calls it racist. The White House calls it…
Danica Patrick blasted Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl halftime show for featuring Spanish songs, demanding future acts include Kid Rock, Toby Keith, and one…
Trump unveils TrumpRx, claiming Pfizer will lower drug prices by “300% or more.” Critics call it “Trump University with pill bottles.”
Democrats failed to pass their last-ditch spending bill as Republicans gaveled out early, raising questions about whether a shutdown can even break what’s…
As the government faces a midnight shutdown, Pete Hegseth tells troops to rely on faith and fitness instead of funding, calling paychecks “optional…
Trump’s ICE boats patrol the Chicago River under “Operation Shamrock Sweep,” hunting undocumented leprechauns accused of dyeing the water green.
A leaked Cabinet text reveals Trump’s bailout for Argentina accidentally boosted China’s soybean supply. The White House calls it “trade art in motion.”
The Fall of Rome wasn’t a mystery—it was a slow-motion collapse fueled by arrogance, greed, and the emperor’s obsession with loyalty over competence.…
Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost.
Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper the media. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle.
-Thomas Jefferson
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