Notification
Search
Have an existing account?
Sign In
The Latest
Like Trump Steaks, But for Pills: Trump Unveils TrumpRx
Trump unveils TrumpRx, claiming Pfizer will lower drug prices by “300% or more.” Critics call it “Trump University with pill bottles.”
Is It Still a Shutdown If Nothing Worked Anyway?
Democrats failed to pass their last-ditch spending bill as Republicans gaveled out early, raising questions about whether a shutdown can even break what’s…
Hegseth Warns Military to ‘Stay Mission-Focused’ as Government Crumbles Like Biden’s Bike Balance
As the government faces a midnight shutdown, Pete Hegseth tells troops to rely on faith and fitness instead of funding, calling paychecks “optional…
Trump Deploys ICE Boats to Hunt Undocumented Leprechauns in Chicago River
Trump’s ICE boats patrol the Chicago River under “Operation Shamrock Sweep,” hunting undocumented leprechauns accused of dyeing the water green.
Trump Baffled After Learning Bailout for Argentina Somehow Benefits China: ‘Nobody Saw This Coming Except Everyone’
A leaked Cabinet text reveals Trump’s bailout for Argentina accidentally boosted China’s soybean supply. The White House calls it “trade art in motion.”
Did Rome Fall Like This Too?
The Fall of Rome wasn’t a mystery—it was a slow-motion collapse fueled by arrogance, greed, and the emperor’s obsession with loyalty over competence.…
5 Signs Your Mother Took Tylenol While Pregnant, According to Dr. Trump
President Trump claims Tylenol taken during pregnancy may cause “weak babies and radical thoughts.” Experts say his advice could be more harmful than…
Trump Claims Nobel Peace Prize ‘Rigged,’ Says He’ll Make His Own Better One
Trump called the Nobel Committee “rigged” after learning he wouldn’t receive the Peace Prize, announcing instead his own “Trump Peace Awards,” complete with…
Wasn’t in the Playbook: Ex-NFL Star Quits FBI After Trump Calls Blitz on Immigrants
Former NFL star Charles Tillman left the FBI after Trump’s immigration crackdown turned defense into deportation drills. The ex-cornerback says conscience called an…
Trump Declassifies Amelia Earhart Files, Says ‘She Vanished, Just Like Epstein’s Client List’
Trump has ordered the release of every Amelia Earhart document in federal archives, claiming “she vanished, just like Epstein’s client list,” while avoiding…
Hegseth Summons Generals for Purge Preview, Asks Them to Tremble in Unison
War Secretary Pete Hegseth orders 800 generals to Virginia in what critics call a cosplay purge rehearsal. Strongman vibes, reality show rules apply.
Ryan Walters: “Turning Point USA Will Replace Guidance Counselors, Who Were Woke Anyway”
Oklahoma schools will replace guidance counselors with Turning Point USA chapters, giving students official life advice through Charlie Kirk memes and merch tables.
After Trump Deports Millions, Modelo Sales Plummet, Michelob Ultra Crowned King of Bland
After Trump’s deportation spree tanked Modelo sales, Michelob Ultra became America’s top beer by offering flavorless patriotism in a can.
Trump and Musk Reunite at Kirk Memorial, Bond Over Shared Love of Attention
Trump and Musk set aside their feud at Charlie Kirk’s memorial to bond over trending hashtags and the size of their respective fan…
Nancy Mace Says Cory Mills “Stole Valor,” Republicans Shocked Anyone in Party Still Has Honor Left to Steal
Nancy Mace accused Cory Mills of stolen valor, sparking a GOP meltdown over ketchup-stained pants and ghostwritten war stories.
White House Says Autism ‘Solved’ After Trump Suggests Horses Rarely Get It
Trump declared Tylenol risky for pregnant women and suggested Ivermectin instead, citing horses as proof that autism is “basically solved.”
Federal Reserve Cuts Rates, Americans Celebrate by Not Buying Anything Anyway
The Fed cut rates, but Americans marked the event by staying put, not buying homes, and ignoring the idea of economic mobility altogether.
UFC Announces White House Fight Night, Finally Makes Idiocracy a Documentary
UFC announces July 4 White House event as Trump and Dana White transform democracy into pay-per-view. McGregor headlines, Constitution not on card.
Trump Calls Bondi ‘Careful and Smart,’ Immediately Demands She Throw Out Both Qualities
Trump called Bondi “very careful” before demanding she stop being careful and indict his rivals immediately, sparking concerns over politicized justice.
Trump Tells Press Corps: ‘If Plane Went Down Without Me, Nobody Would Care Anyway’
Trump told Air Force One reporters to “fly safely” because he was on board, clarifying that without him, no one would care if…
Police Officer Mistakes Sophie Cunningham for Court Intruder, Asks for Ticket Stub
Sophie Cunningham was confronted by a police officer during a Fever playoff game. The scene left fans convinced the WNBA is more social…
Trump DOJ Shuts Down Probe, Says Accepting Bribes Is Just ‘Extreme Vetting for Cash’
Trump’s DOJ closed a bribery case against border czar Tom Homan, rebranding $50,000 in cash as “extreme vetting for cash” and patriotic support.
Two Planes of White House Staff Depart for Kirk Funeral, Leaving Government Unsupervised for 48 Hours
White House staff are boarding two planes for Charlie Kirk’s funeral, leaving D.C. empty. The government briefly ran smoother without them.
Bears Promise They’ll Fix Caleb Williams Right After They Finish Ruining Him
The Bears promise to fix Caleb Williams after they finish breaking him, continuing Chicago’s proud tradition of ruining quarterbacks since 1985.
Department of War Tells Reporters: ‘Obey, Or Lose Your Hall Pass’
The Pentagon announced new rules restricting press access, requiring escorts and neon badges. Reporters say it turns journalism into a guided tour.
Ted Cruz Accidentally Makes Sense, Nation Unsure How to React
Ted Cruz shocked America by making sense for the first time. Experts and historians rushed to confirm and record this rare event in…
FCC Declares Only Punchlines Approved by Department of Homeland Laughs Allowed
Trump’s FCC suspends Jimmy Kimmel and enforces a new One Joke Policy. From now on, all comedy must be MAGA-approved and federally licensed.
Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost.
Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper the media. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle.
-Thomas Jefferson