In a stunning victory for prudishness and censorship, a conservative Florida school board has voted to put pants on a Renaissance statue after parents complained about an art lesson featuring the iconic nude sculpture by Michelangelo.
The statue, which depicts the Biblical figure David, has been a fixture in the school’s courtyard for years, but it wasn’t until a recent art lesson that some conservative parents realized that the statue was, in fact, naked.
“It’s immoral,” said one parent, who wished to remain anonymous. “My child shouldn’t have to see that kind of indecency at school. We need to protect their innocent minds from this kind of filth.”
In response to the complaints, the school board held an emergency meeting to discuss the issue. After much debate, they decided to put pants on the statue in order to make it more “appropriate” for conservative values.
“We cannot allow our children to be exposed to this kind of pornography,” said the school board president. “Putting pants on the statue is the only way to protect them from the moral decay that comes with nudity.”
The decision has sparked outrage among art enthusiasts, who argue that the statue is a masterpiece of Renaissance art and should be appreciated for its historical and artistic significance.
“This is ridiculous,” said art critic James South. “The statue of David is one of the greatest works of art in human history. To cover it up with pants is an insult to Michelangelo and to art itself.”
In response to the controversy, the school board has announced that they will be removing all Renaissance art from the curriculum and replacing it with more conservative subjects, such as abstinence-only sex education and creationism.
“We want to make sure that our children are not exposed to anything that could be considered offensive or inappropriate,” said the school board president. “We believe that this is the best way to protect our children and ensure that they receive a proper conservative education.”
As of press time, the statue of David is still covered up with a pair of giant pants, much to the chagrin of art lovers and anyone with a sense of humor.
