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All the Latest in World
Iran’s Nuclear Scientists File Restraining Order Against Donald Trump’s Ego
Trump says he’ll strike Iran again if it rebuilds its nuclear program. Iran’s scientists respond with a legal motion to keep his ego out of their airspace.
U.S. Customs Denies Entry to Tourist for Possessing Unlicensed Satire of JD Vance
A Norwegian tourist says he was deported for a meme mocking JD Vance. Homeland Security denies it, but the image is still too weird for national security comfort.
Trump Declares Ceasefire Between Israel and Iran, Blames Biden Just in Case
Trump announced a ceasefire between Israel and Iran on Truth Social, then immediately blamed Biden in case it fails. Neither country confirmed the deal exists.
MAGA Turns on Trump After Discovering B2 Pilot Had Ovaries
MAGA nation’s enthusiasm for Trump’s Iran strike vanished when they learned the B2 pilot wasn’t a man, causing mass confusion and accusations of “wokeness.”
Hormuz Closed for ‘Spiritual Renovations,’ Say Iranian Clerics
Iran has closed the Strait of Hormuz, claiming it needs a “spiritual renovation.” Clerics say too much Western oil has disrupted the waterway’s energy. Global markets brace for an oil shortage and a…
Iran’s Nuke Scientists Swap Uranium for Espresso After Trump’s Airstrikes
After Trump’s airstrikes, Iran’s nuclear scientists ditch uranium for espresso, launching Fission Brew, a chain of artisanal coffee shops so good they’re brokering world peace one latte at a time.
Man Becomes Millionaire Selling American Flags to Protesters Who Immediately Burn Them
Fakhir Al-Nashif turned protest demand into flaming profit by selling high-quality American flags—exclusively to those eager to burn them.
Trump Drops Bombs, Then Announces “Now Is The Time For Peace” Like A Toddler With A Band‑Aid
Trump dropped bombs on Iran’s nuclear sites, then took to Truth Social to tell everyone “NOW IS THE TIME FOR PEACE.” The U.S. just conquered nuance—with ordinance.
Tulsi Gabbard Reverses Stance on Iran Nukes After Trump Criticism, Cites “Fresh Intelligence”
After previously saying Iran wasn’t building nuclear weapons, Tulsi Gabbard now says they could be just weeks away. What changed? Apparently Trump’s opinion, and maybe the moon cycle.
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