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All the Latest in U.S.
Trump Declares ‘Transparency Time’ Releases JFK, RFK, MLK, and His Own McDonald’s Orders
Trump calls it “Transparency Time,” releasing MLK, JFK, RFK files — and his own fast food receipts — in what historians are calling “a very weird flex.”
Trump Diagnosed with Patriotic Obstruction Syndrome (POS) After Doctors Discover Too Much Freedom Trapped in His Legs
President Trump’s legs have swelled from an apparent overdose of “American pride,” prompting medics to diagnose the phenomenon as Patriotic Obstruction Syndrome.
Charlie Kirk Declares Himself ‘Done Talking About Epstein,’ Receives Treat and Head Pat from Trump
After ranting about Epstein all weekend, Charlie Kirk suddenly ends discussion following a phone call from Trump—and appears fully domesticated.
176 Days into Trump’s Second Term and Still Blames Biden for His Inability to Find Obama’s Birth Certificate
Trump blames Biden for not locating Obama’s birth certificate, citing deep state filing cabinets and suspicious lasagna boxes.
Trump Declares ‘Epstein Never Existed,’ Cites New Memo ‘Written by God, Proofread by Jesus’
Trump shocks the world, declaring Epstein imaginary and blaming 5G towers, windmills, and beer for widespread delusion.
Fans Boo President Trump at FIFA Final, He Orders Booing Section Deported to ‘Alligator Alcatraz’
After fans booed President Trump at the FIFA Club World Cup Final, he responded by ordering them deported to a Florida swamp facility dubbed Alligator Alcatraz.
Pam Bondi and Dan Bongino Duel with Pistols at Dawn Over Epstein Tape
Dan Bongino and Pam Bondi settle a high-stakes Epstein tape dispute the old-fashioned way—with flintlock pistols, bruised egos, and absolutely no answers.
TSA to Let Travelers Keep Shoes On, But May Still Confiscate Your Dignity
TSA has ended the shoe-removal rule at checkpoints, but travelers are advised to keep their dignity stored in checked luggage.
Senate Accidentally Submits Cheesecake Factory Menu Instead of Tax Code — No One Notices
In an epic legislative fumble, the Senate passed a tax bill that included 67 pages of Cheesecake Factory menu items. No one noticed. Or cared.
