Trump’s New Travel Ban: “It’s Totally Not About Skin Color”
Trump’s administration issues a sweeping travel ban targeting 12 mostly black and brown countries, swearing it’s all “coincidence” and not at all about…
US National Debt Outperforms Dow Jones and S&P 500
The US national debt has surpassed both the Dow Jones and the S&P 500 for consistent returns, leaving investors jealous and Congress eager…
Marjorie Taylor Greene Admits She Votes First, Reads Later
Marjorie Taylor Greene admits she missed a 10-year AI loophole buried deep in the One Big Beautiful Bill, now promising to “read at…
Trump’s “America First” Official Accidentally Outsources State Department to Moscow
Darren Beattie, Trump’s new State Department pick, ditches the Russia-watchdog, then hosts a ballet and caviar party for staff. Putin might finally get…
FEMA Chief Admits He Didn’t Know Hurricanes Had a “Season,” Agency Morale Now at Category Five
FEMA’s new leader baffled staff after admitting he didn’t realize the US has a hurricane season. Employees now rate internal confusion at Category…
Dale Gribble Finally Realizes John Redcorn Wasn’t Just Giving Nancy “Headache Treatments”
Dale finally noticed John Redcorn’s secret, now Rainey Street will never be the same.…
Louisiana House Approves Historic Ban on Clouds That Look Suspiciously Like Clouds
Louisiana’s House passed a bill to ban “chemtrails,” promising to investigate clouds that might look guilty. Scientists say the sky is safe, but…
Trump Warns: If Courts Rule Against Tariffs, ‘Economic Ruination’ Looms
Trump warns on Truth Social that overturning tariffs will lead to America’s economic doom. Experts say: maybe just chill bro.…
‘I Am Like Totally NOT Taking Drugs,’ Says Musk, While Blinking in Morse Code
Elon Musk says he’s “NOT taking drugs,” despite black eye, bizarre behavior, and a farewell appearance that looked like an intergalactic exit interview.…
CDC Warns Americans to Stop Diagnosing Each Other with “Main Character Syndrome”
The CDC is urging Americans to stop casually diagnosing each other with TikTok disorders like “Main Character Syndrome,” warning the behavior is contributing…
