Armed ICE boats storm the Chicago River in search of undocumented leprechauns accused of “unlawful green dyeing.” Experts call it St. Patrick’s Day panic.
Hegseth trades war planning for strongman theater, summoning hundreds of generals to Virginia for a mass loyalty audition.
Walters promises students will no longer be burdened with “woke” counseling, instead finding life guidance in Charlie Kirk’s greatest hits and free water bottles.
The world’s two most attention-starved men rediscovered their chemistry at a funeral, proving nothing unites billionaires like cameras and grief.
Trump reminded reporters their survival only matters when it benefits him. His comments came after a day of travel mishaps that only fueled his ego.
Trump’s team is sending two planeloads of staff to Charlie Kirk’s funeral, leaving Washington oddly functional in their absence. Some call it honor, others call it group vacation.
Pete Hegseth claims reporters are a “safety risk” and imposes restrictions that make Pentagon coverage resemble a high school hallway pass system.
Ted Cruz produced one coherent thought in 2025, prompting historians to document it like a lunar eclipse mixed with a miracle.
A new study reveals what many suspected: one conservative activist equals 100 children in the American media economy. Outrage optional, coverage guaranteed.
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