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All the Latest in U.S.
Hegseth Reportedly Tried to Baptize Himself in Santo Tequila, ‘For the Troops’
In a story that blends scripture with spirits, Pete Hegseth faces new scrutiny after an alleged million-dollar tequila “baptism.” Guy Fieri calls it “a faith-based felony.”
Trump Offers ‘Thoughts and Flares’ After Judge’s Home Burns Down
White House officials say “spontaneous combustion” can occur when freedom meets judicial resistance. Critics call it arson; Trump calls it justice with a spark.
RFK Jr. celebrates 1,500 measles cases as “a victory for holistic immune freedom.”
As measles cases climb past 1,500, HHS Secretary RFK Jr. unveils “Catch It to Beat It,” a patriotic push to replace vaccines with faith, fever, and fresh air.
Is It Still a Shutdown If Nothing Worked Anyway?
As midnight looms, Congress debates whether to save the government or just finally unplug it. Democrats proposed funding; Republicans proposed silence.
Hegseth Warns Military to ‘Stay Mission-Focused’ as Government Crumbles Like Biden’s Bike Balance
As the government faces a midnight shutdown, Pete Hegseth tells troops to rely on faith and fitness instead of funding, calling paychecks “optional patriotism.”
Trump Deploys ICE Boats to Hunt Undocumented Leprechauns in Chicago River
Armed ICE boats storm the Chicago River in search of undocumented leprechauns accused of “unlawful green dyeing.” Experts call it St. Patrick’s Day panic.
Hegseth Summons Generals for Purge Preview, Asks Them to Tremble in Unison
Hegseth trades war planning for strongman theater, summoning hundreds of generals to Virginia for a mass loyalty audition.
Ryan Walters: “Turning Point USA Will Replace Guidance Counselors, Who Were Woke Anyway”
Walters promises students will no longer be burdened with “woke” counseling, instead finding life guidance in Charlie Kirk’s greatest hits and free water bottles.
Trump and Musk Reunite at Kirk Memorial, Bond Over Shared Love of Attention
The world’s two most attention-starved men rediscovered their chemistry at a funeral, proving nothing unites billionaires like cameras and grief.
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