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All the Latest in U.S.
Trump Jr’s Drone Empire Takes Off While Ethics Crash
A Florida drone company tied to Donald Trump Jr. just landed a major Pentagon deal, raising questions about nepotism, national security, and whether procurement now includes a loyalty oath.
Trump Commutes Santos’ Sentence, Says ‘At Least He Lied Patriotically’
After Trump’s commutation, George Santos promises to repay victims “if the law texts him about it.” Supporters hail the move as proof that justice can be optional when entertaining.
White House Doctor Declares Trump ‘Healthier Than Science Allows’
After a glowing medical review, the White House physician declared Trump’s body a “biological marvel,” leaving scientists stunned and scales terrified.
Furious Loomer Chains Herself to Potato Statue to Stop Qatari Takeover
Laura Loomer declares a Boise potato the last line of defense against a nonexistent Qatari base. The Pentagon denies it. The statue remains neutral and delicious.
Hegseth Reportedly Tried to Baptize Himself in Santo Tequila, ‘For the Troops’
In a story that blends scripture with spirits, Pete Hegseth faces new scrutiny after an alleged million-dollar tequila “baptism.” Guy Fieri calls it “a faith-based felony.”
Trump Offers ‘Thoughts and Flares’ After Judge’s Home Burns Down
White House officials say “spontaneous combustion” can occur when freedom meets judicial resistance. Critics call it arson; Trump calls it justice with a spark.
RFK Jr. celebrates 1,500 measles cases as “a victory for holistic immune freedom.”
As measles cases climb past 1,500, HHS Secretary RFK Jr. unveils “Catch It to Beat It,” a patriotic push to replace vaccines with faith, fever, and fresh air.
Is It Still a Shutdown If Nothing Worked Anyway?
As midnight looms, Congress debates whether to save the government or just finally unplug it. Democrats proposed funding; Republicans proposed silence.
Hegseth Warns Military to ‘Stay Mission-Focused’ as Government Crumbles Like Biden’s Bike Balance
As the government faces a midnight shutdown, Pete Hegseth tells troops to rely on faith and fitness instead of funding, calling paychecks “optional patriotism.”
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