Notification
Search
Have an existing account?
Sign In
All the Latest in U.S.
New White House ‘Media Bias’ Page Lists Reporters Who “Hurt Trump’s Feelings This Week”
A new White House tool exposes the journalists who caused Trump emotional turbulence this week.
Officials Beg Macy’s To Shrink Parade Balloons As Helium Prices Explode
A helium spike sends officials into panic as giant parade balloons empty tanks across the country.
Pilgrims Would Have Cancelled First Thanksgiving If They Knew About Your Aunt Karen
Historians say the Pilgrims braved storms, hunger, and disease, yet would have turned the Mayflower around the second your aunt brought up essential oils and election fraud over pumpkin pie. Future generations now…
U.S. Reaches Peak Unity: Both Sides Equally Outraged, Equally Confused, Equally Screaming At Bots In Thailand
X’s new location feature just revealed that many loudest “patriots” and “resisters” are bots posting from overseas. For one brief moment, left and right join forces to scream at the same Wi Fi…
MTG Quits Congress, Says God Told Her ‘Girl, This Is Getting Embarrassing’
After years of shouting from the House floor and Trump’s comments section, Marjorie Taylor Greene finally decides to quit the one job that expected more from her than a ring light and a…
Congress Boldly Rejects Socialism, Forgets Medicare, Highways, And Half Their Own Pensions
Lawmakers stood firm against socialism while standing on taxpayer funded carpeting. Their vote signaled moral clarity, financial confusion and a total lack of self awareness on a national scale. Critics asked if the…
Bible Mentions St. Paul 195 Times, No Reference To Minneapolis
Researchers confirm the Bible references Saint Paul many times but never mentions Minneapolis. The discovery has baffled scholars and annoyed Minnesotans.
DOJ Promises Full Epstein File Release, Just Needs 30 Days To “Windex the Trump Parts”
The Justice Department promises honesty, clarity, and a light surface cleaning before America sees what is inside the Epstein vault. Experts remain unsure whether microfiber cloths count as obstruction.
October Jobs Report Canceled, Nation Encouraged To Assume It Was Fine
The Labor Department pressed pause on reality after the long shutdown and asked Americans to trust their instincts. Officials said this is a temporary setback, although many admit they often prefer vibes over…
