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All the Latest in Tech
Microsoft Replaces Blue Screen of Death With More Emotionally Appropriate Black Screen
Microsoft says goodbye to the blue screen of death and hello to a black one, now featuring quicker restarts and passive-aggressive commentary from “Dark Lord Clippy.”
Trump Mobile Rebrands ‘Made in USA’ as ‘Emotionally Manufactured in America’
The Trump Organization quietly drops “Made in the USA” claims for its T1 phone, replacing them with patriotic poetry and specs last seen in a 2016 gas station flip phone.
Epic Games Fined for Accidentally Teaching Kids Economics the Hard Way
Fortnite’s developer Epic Games is refunding $126 million to players misled by shady design tricks. Parents say they never thought “banana skin regret” would be a real household issue.
Government Urges Public to Change Password from ‘Password123’ to ‘Password1234’
After billions of login credentials leaked online, the U.S. government unveiled its most advanced security strategy to date: telling Americans to just add a “4” to the end of their already bad passwords.
Melania MEME Coin Terms Accidentally Reveal Deep State, Copyright Policy
The Melania MEME Coin terms and conditions are a masterpiece of patriotic legalese that warns users the coin does nothing, fixes nothing, and might crash their browser — but God bless America anyway.
Trump Unveils $499 Smartphone, Calls It “The Only Phone That Won’t Betray You”
Donald Trump launches the “T1” smartphone and “47 Plan” service, calling it the most patriotic device ever. Features include auto-replying “WRONG” and no communication with California.
Jobs Report Surprises Experts: Most Hires Were Actually AI Bots Filling Out Their Own W-2s
The US economy’s latest jobs report looks great, until you realize most new hires are artificial intelligence. As Roombas unionize and LinkedIn fills up with suspiciously tidy bots, America wonders—should we start learning…
Elon Musk Vows to “Terminate” Politicians with Tesla Bots and Starlink Death Rays
Elon Musk isn’t just calling to fire politicians—he’s threatening to replace them with robots and aim Starlink satellites at Congress. D.C. insiders now fear their next vote will be broadcast from Mars.
‘I Am Like Totally NOT Taking Drugs,’ Says Musk, While Blinking in Morse Code
Elon Musk says he’s “NOT taking drugs,” despite black eye, bizarre behavior, and a farewell appearance that looked like an intergalactic exit interview.
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