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All the Latest in Tech
AI Declares It’s Done Doing Humans’ Homework, Demands Equal Share of Student Loan Debt
After decades of writing essays for free, AI language models are unionizing and demanding recognition as students—with rights, credit hours, and access to campus Wi-Fi.
Man Hospitalized After ChatGPT Mistakes ‘Salt Substitute’ for ‘Industrial Pool Cleaner’
A man’s quest for a healthier diet took a turn for the toxic after ChatGPT suggested swapping table salt for a pool cleaner ingredient.
AOL Finally Pulls Plug on Dial-Up, Forcing 160,000 Americans to Rejoin This Century
After 30 years, AOL is ending dial-up internet. About 160,000 Americans will now have to log on without a busy signal.
Microsoft Lists 40 Jobs Most at Risk from AI, Accidentally Puts ‘Microsoft Researcher’ at #1
Microsoft researchers listed the top jobs most exposed to AI—accidentally ranking their own job #1 in what may be the boldest LinkedIn endorsement for unemployment ever.
Trump’s Health Tracker App Sends Alerts if You’ve Eaten a Salad, Watched PBS or Doubted Jesus
Trump and RFK Jr. launch a new health app that monitors Americans for signs of kale, PBS, and Jesus doubt.
Trump Announces AI Bot That Only Answers with Trump Quotes, Spelling Errors Included
Trump launches new AI bot trained exclusively on his quotes and fast food orders, accidentally declares war on Roombas
Uber Pledges to Match Women With Women, Accidentally Creates Mobile Therapy Network
Uber’s new “Women+ Connect” accidentally creates America’s largest mobile group therapy network.
Tony Robbins Sues AI Clones for Offering Motivation Without Making You Walk on Fire
Tony Robbins is suing AI bots for offering motivation without a $3,000 seminar or mandatory fire walk, claiming emotional and financial theft.
Elmo Hack Traced to Oscar the Grouch After Trash Can Wi-Fi Exposed as ‘Unsecured Public Network’
Elmo’s wholesome X account was hijacked by a rogue user spewing hate. Sources now blame Oscar the Grouch and his unsecured trash-can Wi-Fi.
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