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All the Latest in Sports
Trump Spotted Biting Blue Mystery Object, Nation Places Bets on Viagra vs. Altoid
The U.S. Open crowd wanted a five-set thriller, but instead got a close-up of Donald Trump gnawing on a mysterious blue object that instantly launched a thousand conspiracy theories.
Trump Demands Larger Flag at US Open, Says Current One “Barely Covers My Ego”
Trump wasn’t satisfied with the massive U.S. Open flag, saying it was “too puny” and demanding one that could “cover Queens, Brooklyn, and most of Long Island.”
Caitlin Clark Denies Responsibility After Green Dildo Interrupts Browns Game
When a green dildo hit the turf in Cleveland, refs refused to measure it, Caitlin Clark denied involvement, and fans declared football’s innocence forever lost.
Love Story Turns Tragedy: Chiefs Offense Collapses After Kelce Proposes to Taylor Swift
The Chiefs’ Week 1 collapse had less to do with football and more to do with a love story that turned into a fumble. Taylor Swift’s engagement to Travis Kelce has Kansas City…
Coworker Who Doesn’t Watch Football Somehow Drafts Perfect Fantasy Roster Again
Every fantasy league has one: the coworker who doesn’t watch football, couldn’t name a single defensive player, and still wins. This year, Kevin’s back to terrorize his office with another perfect draft.
Cowboys Trade Micah Parsons, Announce New Defensive Scheme Called ‘Just Hoping for Turnovers’
Dallas trades its star, unveils strategy best described as “football by horoscopes.”
Jay Cutler’s DUI Deal Includes 4 Days in Jail, 1 Mandatory Class on ‘How to Look Like You Care’
Jay Cutler’s DUI plea deal includes jail time and a mandatory class on how to look like he cares, something he avoided perfecting in his 12 NFL seasons.
NFL Roster Cuts Explained: 90 Guys Fight to the Death So 53 Can Lose to the Chiefs Anyway
Every August, NFL dreams are crushed as rosters shrink from 90 to 53. Unfortunately, all roads still lead to another Chiefs victory.
Shilo Sanders Ejected for Punching Bills Tight End, Proves He’s at Least Draft-Worthy in the UFC
Shilo Sanders’ NFL career might already be slipping, but luckily Jake Paul is still booking undercards. When in doubt, swing first and call it “content.”
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