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Politics Man Forgets Why He Walked Into Room, Becomes Mayor|Lifestyle Local Woman Claims Microwave Beep Is Passive-Aggressive|Family Area Dad Buys 14-Foot Ladder, Nothing Left to Prove|Health Surgeon General Warns Against Reheating Fish at Work|Business Pet Lizard Named Regional Sales Director in Restructuring|Entertainment Ghost Haunting Basement Just Lonely, Wants to Be in Book Club|Relationships “It’s Not You, It’s Mercury in Retrograde,” Says Breakup Text|Finance Toddler Declares Bankruptcy After Spree at Gumball Machine|Law Florida Man Wins Lawsuit Against Gravity|Tech Man Trapped in Group Text Since 2018, Sends Final SOS|Science AI Predicts Own Doom, Correctly Schedules HR Exit Interview|U.S. Emotional Support Squirrel Rejected by TSA, Starts Podcast|Work Woman on Zoom Call Wears Pajamas of Increasing Power|Education Conspiracy Theorist Discovers He’s Actually Just Bad at Puzzles|World Coffee Shop Declares Independence, Prints Own Currency| Politics Man Forgets Why He Walked Into Room, Becomes Mayor|Lifestyle Local Woman Claims Microwave Beep Is Passive-Aggressive|Family Area Dad Buys 14-Foot Ladder, Nothing Left to Prove|Health Surgeon General Warns Against Reheating Fish at Work|Business Pet Lizard Named Regional Sales Director in Restructuring|Entertainment Ghost Haunting Basement Just Lonely, Wants to Be in Book Club|Relationships “It’s Not You, It’s Mercury in Retrograde,” Says Breakup Text|Finance Toddler Declares Bankruptcy After Spree at Gumball Machine|Law Florida Man Wins Lawsuit Against Gravity|Tech Man Trapped in Group Text Since 2018, Sends Final SOS|Science AI Predicts Own Doom, Correctly Schedules HR Exit Interview|U.S. Emotional Support Squirrel Rejected by TSA, Starts Podcast|Work Woman on Zoom Call Wears Pajamas of Increasing Power|Education Conspiracy Theorist Discovers He’s Actually Just Bad at Puzzles|World Coffee Shop Declares Independence, Prints Own Currency|
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Religion

JD Vance to Attend Pope Leo XIV’s First Mass, Promises Not to Kill Him

JD Vance is heading to the Vatican for Pope Leo XIV’s first mass. He claims he’s coming in peace. Rome is lighting extra…

Da Pope Adds Walter Payton Fathead to Papal Quarters, Declares Bears “God’s Team”

Pope Leo XIV has customized his quarters with a Walter Payton Fathead, Da Bears posters, and a side of Midwestern reverence. Heaven, meet…

First American Pope to Go by “Da Pope,” Chicago Celebrates with Deep Dish and Italian Beef

Chicago-born Robert Prevost becomes Pope Leo XIV, but his hometown isn’t waiting for formalities. He’s Da Pope now and the deep dish is…

Trump Furious New Pope Stole Spotlight from “YUGE” UK Trade Deal Announcement

Trump’s long-awaited UK trade deal was upstaged by white smoke from the Vatican announcing a new pope. He’s not taking it well.…

White Smoke Signals New Pope, Vatican Later Clarifies It Was Just the Epstein Client List Being Incinerated

Vatican confirms the white smoke seen over the Sistine Chapel wasn’t for a new pope, but rather the incineration of the Epstein client…

Vatican Black Smoke Causes Stir, Turns Out to Be Burnt Pizza from Local Chef Giuseppe Spatoloni

The Vatican’s papal smoke tradition was briefly interrupted after a pizza chef accidentally smoked out the conclave. Vatican confirms: no pope, just pepperoni.…

Make the Vatican Great Again: Trump Declares Himself Pope

Trump posts AI image of himself as Pope days after Francis’ funeral, declares himself the new spiritual leader “with better robes and way…

Paris Olympics Organizers Apologize for Being Too Fabulous Despite Backlash from Conservatives

In an unexpected turn of events, the organizers of the Paris 2024 Olympics have issued an apology for what some have deemed an…

Trump Reveals Buddhist Beliefs on 2024 Campaign Trail: “I’d Come Back as a Sloth”

former President Donald Trump announced that he does not identify as a Christian but instead practices Buddhism. This revelation, coupled with his belief…

California School Sends Student Home for Wearing Cross Necklace, Cites ‘Cross Contamination’

A California elementary school in the city of Los Angeles has sent a student home for wearing a cross necklace, citing concerns that…

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