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All the Latest in Politics
Trump’s Secret FBI Codename ‘Big Mac’ Revealed in Botched Donnie BrascTrump Epstein Sting
Republicans now claim Donald Trump’s secret FBI codename was “Big Mac,” and his undercover Epstein mission collapsed when he asked for more ketchup.
Trump Axes Airline Compensation Rule — Passengers Now Paid in Thoughts and Prayers
Stranded fliers hoping for compensation can now count on prayer instead. The administration says spiritual growth is more valuable than sandwiches, though both remain overpriced.
Dean Cain Joins ICE, Immediately Realizes He Actually Just Needs Ice for His Injury
Superman once fought Lex Luthor. Now he’s fighting joint inflammation. Dean Cain’s short-lived ICE career proves that even caped heroes aren’t immune to workplace injuries, paperwork confusion, and the devastating power of gravity.
Not a Dictator, Trump Clarifies, “Just a Guy With Excellent Common Sense About Martial Law”
Trump swears he’s not a dictator, just a man with flawless instincts about martial law, parades, and hamburger diplomacy. He insists it’s “common sense” while aides quietly measure him for a balcony podium.
After Hoax Shooter Post and Empty Rally, Nancy Mace Concludes Biggest Threat to South Carolina Is Herself
Nancy Mace’s campaign imploded faster than her own tweets. After boosting a hoax shooter story and speaking to more chairs than people, she announced she may be unfit to run against herself.
Trump Promises to “Fix Chicago,” Starts by Selling Red Hats That Say “Chicago Loves Trump”
Trump claims African-American women begged him to “fix Chicago,” unveiling imaginary red hats as proof of demand. Chicago leaders remain skeptical, but Trump swears the pigeons love it.
Maxwell’s DOJ Interview Released: Reads Like Netflix Pilot That Forgot Its Own Plot
Maxwell’s DOJ interview was hyped as explosive. Instead, it played like a canceled Netflix series where Trump walks away spotless.
New Black Border Wall Expected To Reach 500 Degrees, Finally Gives America World’s Largest Outdoor George Foreman Grill
DHS says painting the border wall black will stop migrants from climbing, but critics point out small flaws: gloves, nighttime, and Mexico not footing the paint bill.
Zelensky Thanks Trump Four Times in a Row Just to Avoid Provoking JD Vance Again
After a tense February exchange, Zelensky uses “gratitude strategy” while staff distract JD Vance with crayons and a fidget spinner.
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