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All the Latest in Politics
Lauren Boebert Named Head of Bureau of Labor Stats, Immediately Asks if ‘Payroll’ Is a Dog Breed
After firing the BLS commissioner, Trump taps Lauren Boebert to lead job reporting. Her first promise? “Fix the numbers so they’re more freedom-y.”
Jerome Powell Reportedly Hiding in Utility Closet as Trump Circles Fed With Steak Knife
Fed Chair Jerome Powell reportedly hiding in closet as Trump storms the building demanding rate cuts “or else.”
Hawley Announces Stimulus Plan to Refund You for the Inflation He Helped Create
Senator Josh Hawley’s proposed $600 tariff rebate checks spark confusion, joy, and a new economy based entirely on Trump-themed bullion.
Trump Exposes Deep State, Installs Even Deeper State ‘With Better Loyalty, Better Hats’
Trump claims victory over the Deep State and replaces it with something murkier, crawlier, and slightly damper — the Deeper State.
Trump Says Windmills Cause Tornadoes: “You Spin Something That Big, What Do You Expect?”
Trump blames wind turbines for causing tornadoes, migraines, and “atmospheric disrespect,” promises to return to energy sources that don’t “spin or swirl.”
Joe Rogan Endorses Hunter Biden for 2028, Says America Ready for a President Who’s ‘Already Hit Rock Bottom’
Joe Rogan throws his weight behind Hunter Biden for 2028, calling him scandal-proof and “America’s most transparent crack philosopher.”
Trump Flees Epstein Questions, Lands in Scotland to Negotiate Golf Cart Tariff With EU
Trump lands in Scotland to escape Epstein questions and discuss golf cart tariffs with confused EU officials.
Congress To Quietly Ban Hemp After Realizing It Helps People Feel Better Without Lobbyists
Congress moves to ban hemp products after discovering they relieve stress without major lobbying.
Trump Points at Random Blueprint, Demands Powell Justify Every Dollar Spent on a Staircase
During a visit to the Fed headquarters, Trump questioned the cost of a staircase and demanded Jerome Powell explain its financial conduct.
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