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All the Latest in Politics
Trump DOJ Shuts Down Probe, Says Accepting Bribes Is Just ‘Extreme Vetting for Cash’
When FBI agents caught Trump’s border czar on tape taking $50,000, the DOJ quickly clarified that cash bribes are no longer crimes — just patriotic down payments.
Two Planes of White House Staff Depart for Kirk Funeral, Leaving Government Unsupervised for 48 Hours
Trump’s team is sending two planeloads of staff to Charlie Kirk’s funeral, leaving Washington oddly functional in their absence. Some call it honor, others call it group vacation.
FCC Declares Only Punchlines Approved by Department of Homeland Laughs Allowed
Trump’s FCC unveils a Department of Homeland Laughs, suspends Kimmel, and promises America only safe, patriotic punchlines from now on.
Trump Asks King Charles If Crown Comes in MAGA Red
At Windsor Castle, Trump quizzed King Charles about crowns, thrones, and brand options. The visit turned into a crash course in monarchy, plus a light sales pitch.
Study Finds One Charlie Kirk = 100 Elementary School Kids in Media Value
A new study reveals what many suspected: one conservative activist equals 100 children in the American media economy. Outrage optional, coverage guaranteed.
Quoting Charlie Kirk Now Considered Hate Speech by Charlie Kirk Fans
Supporters of Charlie Kirk have declared his own words off-limits, calling direct quotes “hate speech” and urging Americans to honor him only through vague praise.
Should Flags Ever Go Back Up? Trump Says No, Calls Half-Mast ‘More Patriotic’
Trump orders U.S. flags to fly permanently at half-mast, claiming it shows strength and respect. Critics call it confusing and absurd.
From Informant to Inquisitor: Johnson Upgrades Trump’s Resume to ‘Holy Crusader’
Johnson now insists Trump wasn’t a snitch but a divine knight of fries, smiting Epstein with righteousness and possibly a McFlurry.
Trump to Award Giuliani Medal of Freedom, Critics Suggest Medal of Delusion Instead
Rudy Giuliani’s spine may be fractured, but his loyalty to Trump remains unbent. The former mayor joins the Medal of Freedom club alongside Rush Limbaugh and Tiger Woods.
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