Notification
Search
Have an existing account?
Sign In
All the Latest in Politics
Hegseth Warns Military to ‘Stay Mission-Focused’ as Government Crumbles Like Biden’s Bike Balance
As the government faces a midnight shutdown, Pete Hegseth tells troops to rely on faith and fitness instead of funding, calling paychecks “optional patriotism.”
Trump Baffled After Learning Bailout for Argentina Somehow Benefits China: ‘Nobody Saw This Coming Except Everyone’
After a leaked text showed his Cabinet questioning the plan, Trump insisted the move was “genius economics.” Experts called it “feeding your rival dessert first.”
Trump Claims Nobel Peace Prize ‘Rigged,’ Says He’ll Make His Own Better One
After years of being ignored by the Nobel Committee, President Trump announces his own “Peace Awards,” promising bigger trophies, better winners, and way more gold leaf.
Trump Declassifies Amelia Earhart Files, Says ‘She Vanished, Just Like Epstein’s Client List’
Trump hails “historic transparency” on a 90-year-old mystery while steering clear of the island where all the questions actually are.
Nancy Mace Says Cory Mills “Stole Valor,” Republicans Shocked Anyone in Party Still Has Honor Left to Steal
Republicans shocked to learn that “stolen valor” accusations require at least some valor to exist. Nancy Mace says Cory Mills’ war stories read like bad fan fiction.
Trump Calls Bondi ‘Careful and Smart,’ Immediately Demands She Throw Out Both Qualities
Trump praised Pam Bondi as “careful” before urging her to toss caution aside and start indicting his rivals at high speed. Evidence optional, applause required.
Trump DOJ Shuts Down Probe, Says Accepting Bribes Is Just ‘Extreme Vetting for Cash’
When FBI agents caught Trump’s border czar on tape taking $50,000, the DOJ quickly clarified that cash bribes are no longer crimes — just patriotic down payments.
Two Planes of White House Staff Depart for Kirk Funeral, Leaving Government Unsupervised for 48 Hours
Trump’s team is sending two planeloads of staff to Charlie Kirk’s funeral, leaving Washington oddly functional in their absence. Some call it honor, others call it group vacation.
FCC Declares Only Punchlines Approved by Department of Homeland Laughs Allowed
Trump’s FCC unveils a Department of Homeland Laughs, suspends Kimmel, and promises America only safe, patriotic punchlines from now on.
Recent Articles
