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All the Latest in Politics
Pete Hegseth speaking before American flags at defense meeting
Donald Trump

Hegseth Warns Military to ‘Stay Mission-Focused’ as Government Crumbles Like Biden’s Bike Balance

As the government faces a midnight shutdown, Pete Hegseth tells troops to rely on faith and fitness instead of funding, calling paychecks “optional patriotism.”

Donald Trump holding green “Make Our Farmers Great Again” hats during trade photo op.
Argentina bailout

Trump Baffled After Learning Bailout for Argentina Somehow Benefits China: ‘Nobody Saw This Coming Except Everyone’

After a leaked text showed his Cabinet questioning the plan, Trump insisted the move was “genius economics.” Experts called it “feeding your rival dessert first.”

4 Min Read
Donald Trump at press conference with American and Ukrainian flags behind him
Donald Trump

Trump Claims Nobel Peace Prize ‘Rigged,’ Says He’ll Make His Own Better One

After years of being ignored by the Nobel Committee, President Trump announces his own “Peace Awards,” promising bigger trophies, better winners, and way more gold leaf.

3 Min Read
Amelia Earhart Found Before Epstein’s Client List, Trump Claims Victory
Amelia Earhart

Trump Declassifies Amelia Earhart Files, Says ‘She Vanished, Just Like Epstein’s Client List’

Trump hails “historic transparency” on a 90-year-old mystery while steering clear of the island where all the questions actually are.

5 Min Read
Nancy Mace at a congressional hearing wearing a pink dress.
Cory Mills

Nancy Mace Says Cory Mills “Stole Valor,” Republicans Shocked Anyone in Party Still Has Honor Left to Steal

Republicans shocked to learn that “stolen valor” accusations require at least some valor to exist. Nancy Mace says Cory Mills’ war stories read like bad fan fiction.

4 Min Read
Donald Trump and Pam Bondi at White House meeting
Department of Justice

Trump Calls Bondi ‘Careful and Smart,’ Immediately Demands She Throw Out Both Qualities

Trump praised Pam Bondi as “careful” before urging her to toss caution aside and start indicting his rivals at high speed. Evidence optional, applause required.

4 Min Read
Tom Homan wearing a suit outside during a press appearance
Corruption

Trump DOJ Shuts Down Probe, Says Accepting Bribes Is Just ‘Extreme Vetting for Cash’

When FBI agents caught Trump’s border czar on tape taking $50,000, the DOJ quickly clarified that cash bribes are no longer crimes — just patriotic down payments.

4 Min Read
Donald Trump shaking hands with Charlie Kirk on stage
Charlie Kirk

Two Planes of White House Staff Depart for Kirk Funeral, Leaving Government Unsupervised for 48 Hours

Trump’s team is sending two planeloads of staff to Charlie Kirk’s funeral, leaving Washington oddly functional in their absence. Some call it honor, others call it group vacation.

3 Min Read
Donald Trump speaking into a microphone during a public appearance
Brendan Carr

FCC Declares Only Punchlines Approved by Department of Homeland Laughs Allowed

Trump’s FCC unveils a Department of Homeland Laughs, suspends Kimmel, and promises America only safe, patriotic punchlines from now on.

3 Min Read
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