Should Flags Ever Go Back Up? Trump Says No, Calls Half-Mast ‘More Patriotic’
Trump orders U.S. flags to fly permanently at half-mast, claiming it shows strength and respect. Critics call it confusing and absurd.
From Informant to Inquisitor: Johnson Upgrades Trump’s Resume to ‘Holy Crusader’
Johnson now insists Trump wasn’t a snitch but a divine knight of fries, smiting Epstein with righteousness and possibly a McFlurry.
Trump to Award Giuliani Medal of Freedom, Critics Suggest Medal of Delusion Instead
Rudy Giuliani’s spine may be fractured, but his loyalty to Trump remains unbent. The former mayor joins the Medal of Freedom club alongside Rush Limbaugh and Tiger Woods.
Trump Declares DOT ‘Woke,’ Rebrands It as the ‘Department of Trump’
Trump scraps the Department of Transportation name in favor of his own brand, claiming the bold rebrand will cut costs and “make roads great again.” Expect toll plazas with gold trim and loyalty…
Trump Says New ‘Rose Garden Club Needs Girls and More of Those Good Old Epstein Vibes’
Trump unveiled his “Rose Garden Club” with senators and donors, then ruined the ambiance by joking about Epstein like it was open mic night.
Trump’s Secret FBI Codename ‘Big Mac’ Revealed in Botched Donnie BrascTrump Epstein Sting
Republicans now claim Donald Trump’s secret FBI codename was “Big Mac,” and his undercover Epstein mission collapsed when he asked for more ketchup.
Trump Axes Airline Compensation Rule — Passengers Now Paid in Thoughts and Prayers
Stranded fliers hoping for compensation can now count on prayer instead. The administration says spiritual growth is more valuable than sandwiches, though both remain overpriced.
Dean Cain Joins ICE, Immediately Realizes He Actually Just Needs Ice for His Injury
Superman once fought Lex Luthor. Now he’s fighting joint inflammation. Dean Cain’s short-lived ICE career proves that even caped heroes aren’t immune to workplace injuries, paperwork confusion, and the devastating power of gravity.
Not a Dictator, Trump Clarifies, “Just a Guy With Excellent Common Sense About Martial Law”
Trump swears he’s not a dictator, just a man with flawless instincts about martial law, parades, and hamburger diplomacy. He insists it’s “common sense” while aides quietly measure him for a balcony podium.
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