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All the Latest in Politics
Donald Trump meets with Canadian officials during trade discussions.
Canada

White House Officially Declares Maple Syrup a Threat to U.S. Sovereignty

Trump has declared maple syrup a threat to America’s freedom, citing “Canadian aggression in breakfast affairs” and pledging to rebrand it as “American Syrup.”

4 Min Read
Donald Trump smirking during a press conference
Abraham Lincoln

Trump Calls Historians ‘Deep State Librarians’ After Losing Top Two Presidential Spots

After being ranked below George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, Trump declares war on historians, history books, and possibly the concept of time itself.

4 Min Read
Construction machinery demolishing part of the White House East Wing
Donald Trump

Trump Praises Ballroom Demolition Noise as ❛Sound of Justice Being Buried❜

Trump celebrates White House demolition sounds while officials scramble to explain why the East Wing is missing a wall and why someone left behind a binder of suspiciously labeled secrets.

5 Min Read
Protesters holding American flags and anti-authoritarian signs during a demonstration.
Bureau of Labor Statistics

Trump Credits Jobs Boom to ‘Thriving Paid Protest Sector’

The White House credits historic job growth to “Freedom-Based Event Participation,” citing 1.2 million new roles in chanting, marching, and light screaming.

3 Min Read
Aerial view of the Pentagon building in Arlington, Virginia
Government Oversight

Pentagon Declares ‘War on Accountability,’ Invites Both Parties to Join

After decades of bureaucratic gridlock, the Pentagon finally found common ground with Congress: fighting transparency itself. Critics call it “the most successful bipartisan mission in modern history.”

5 Min Read
President Donald J. Trump waves while walking beside Secret Service agents.
Donald Trump

White House Doctor Declares Trump ‘Healthier Than Science Allows’

After a glowing medical review, the White House physician declared Trump’s body a “biological marvel,” leaving scientists stunned and scales terrified.

4 Min Read
U.S. Capitol building with a “Sorry We’re Closed” sign during government shutdown
Donald Trump

Party of Christian Values Confirms: Jesus Would Have Let Him Die

Republicans say Jesus healed the sick for free, but that was before government waste. Now, the faithful must choose between mercy and the MAGA plan.

3 Min Read
Hakeem Jeffries and Chuck Schumer speaking outside while Jeffries wears a sombrero and mustache
Artificial Intelligence

 Is It Racist or Just Republican? Vance Unsure Why AI Sombrero Meme Upset Jeffries

Vance calls Trump’s AI sombrero meme “just a joke” as Jeffries demands respect, proving once again that America’s political discourse now runs entirely on memes and mariachi.

4 Min Read
Senator Chuck Schumer speaks to reporters in the U.S. Capitol as Congress faces a government funding deadline.
Chuck Schumer

Is It Still a Shutdown If Nothing Worked Anyway?

As midnight looms, Congress debates whether to save the government or just finally unplug it. Democrats proposed funding; Republicans proposed silence.

3 Min Read
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The Folly Times

The Folly Times is your trusted source for news that probably shouldn’t be trusted. We specialize in absurd headlines, political mockery, and stories you didn’t know you didn’t need. Our reporters dig deep, mostly into lunch buffets, to bring you the kind of journalism that makes you laugh, think, and occasionally question humanity.

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