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All the Latest in Lifestyle
Elon Musk’s Family Tree Now Considered National Forest
Elon Musk’s sprawling family has reached federal recognition status, earning its own protected designation as a National Forest.
Disney Denies Ride Entry to Woman in Sports Bra, Husband Banished for Excessive Muscle Tone
A couple’s day at Disney World took a turn when a sports bra sparked a dress code standoff and her husband’s tank top muscles caused additional emotional turbulence.
Shovel Season Starts in June: Midwesterners Psychologically Preparing for Winter Already
When daylight drops and clouds loom, Midwesterners swap iced tea for hot cocoa— even in June — delving into full winter readiness mode.
Minimalist Declares Victory After Finally Owning Nothing but Anxiety
A Brooklyn minimalist has officially downsized his life to nothing but a yoga mat, oat milk, and relentless inner dread. Friends say he’s “aesthetic but hard to dine with.”
Mace Accuses Jacobs of Cheekbone Witchcraft, Demands C-SPAN Ban
Rep. Nancy Mace suspects Rep. Sara Jacobs of using supernatural means to maintain flawless cheekbones. A formal contour audit may follow.
Costco Gold Star Members Demand VIP Security Lane at Airports
A nationwide showdown erupted after TSA agents refused to accept Costco cards as legal ID, sending confused Gold Star members into a tailspin and prompting calls for a “Kirkland Lane” at security.
Steelers Unveil “Enlightened Terrible Towel” as Aaron Rodgers Ushers in New Gridiron Age
Aaron Rodgers reinvents the Terrible Towel, turning Pittsburgh’s playoff run into a spiritual journey involving chakra colors, sage rituals, and towel-based prophecy.
Minnesota High School Wins State Title After Internet Comments Section Decides Game
A Minnesota high school’s softball title was decided by the X comments section, not the scoreboard. Simone Biles and Riley Gaines battled online while the field sat quiet.
Doctor Diagnoses Patient With Chronic ‘Just Getting Old, Sorry’
Doctors everywhere are diagnosing “just getting old.” The only cure? A sense of humor and maybe some ibuprofen.
