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All the Latest in Law
Trump Sues Coca-Cola for Not Switching to Cane Sugar After Imaginary Conversation
President Trump files a lawsuit against Coca-Cola, claiming they broke a verbal agreement to replace corn syrup with cane sugar — a deal made entirely in his head.
Trump Appoints Diddy as Special Prosecutor for Epstein Files, Cites “Bad Boy for Life” as Proof of Tenacity
In a surprise move, President Trump named Sean “Diddy” Combs as Special Prosecutor to handle the Epstein files, claiming his “Bad Boy energy” would expose the truth faster than any Senate committee.
Congress Declares Epstein Files ‘Too Real,’ Switches to Investigating UFOs and Taylor Swift Instead
Ghislaine Maxwell offers to testify on Epstein’s clients, but GOP leaders table the issue to chase easier headlines and alien sightings.
Pam Bondi and Dan Bongino Duel with Pistols at Dawn Over Epstein Tape
Dan Bongino and Pam Bondi settle a high-stakes Epstein tape dispute the old-fashioned way—with flintlock pistols, bruised egos, and absolutely no answers.
Bondi: Epstein Suicide So Obvious, Cameras Took a Union Break
DOJ confirms Epstein died by suicide, Pam Bondi shreds documents during a Zyn-fueled cleaning spree. Cameras reportedly “needed space.”
Did Texas Just Make It Harder to Watch Porn Than to Get a Gun?
The Supreme Court backs Texas’ porn ID law, creating the world’s first digital strip search to protect minors from seeing what their gym teachers wear in summer.
Supreme Court Rules States Can Defund Planned Parenthood, Suggests Women Use YouTube Tutorials Instead
The Supreme Court ruled that Medicaid patients can’t sue states for defunding Planned Parenthood, clearing the way for South Carolina to block care access for thousands.
Supreme Court Says U.S. Can Deport Criminals to Random Countries, Must Fly Spirit
The Supreme Court approved deporting criminals to countries they’ve never been to, provided they fly Spirit. Legal, efficient, and just uncomfortable enough to count as a sentence.
HOA Orders Man to Remove “Too Sexy” Lawn Gnome
A suburban HOA tries to ban a shirtless gnome for being “too provocative,” but the homeowner fights back with sunglasses, sunscreen, and righteous lawn energy.
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