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All the Latest in Law
High Court to Rule If High People Can Have Guns
The Supreme Court takes on the constitutional question no one saw coming: Can you safely bear arms while deeply vibing with Pink Floyd?
Trump Deploys ICE Boats to Hunt Undocumented Leprechauns in Chicago River
Armed ICE boats storm the Chicago River in search of undocumented leprechauns accused of “unlawful green dyeing.” Experts call it St. Patrick’s Day panic.
Beastie Boys Sued After Brass Monkey Found to Be Just a Hungover Lemur in Costume
Fans file suit after learning the “brass monkey” wasn’t brass, funky, or a monkey
Trump Federalizes DC Police Days After ‘Big Balls’ Beating, Conspiracy Theorists Smell a MAGA-Staged Masterpiece
After ‘Big Balls’ was beaten in DC, Trump took control of the police in record time — some say it was all part of the show.
Congress Cheers D.C. Police Takeover, Says It’s About Time Escorts Could Get Home Without Getting Robbed by “Real Criminals”
Trump’s federal takeover of DC’s police force has Congress celebrating, saying their escorts can now arrive without running into “real criminals” — though some note the biggest crooks still sit in the chambers.
DOJ Asks Ghislaine Maxwell to Start Deputy AG’s Car, Claims It’s a ‘Trust Exercise’
Ghislaine Maxwell was confused when Deputy AG Todd Blanche asked her to start his car mid-interview. DOJ officials say it was part of a “trust exercise.” She says it felt more like a…
Mascot Arrested at Chuck E. Cheese, Kids Thought It Was Part of a Birthday Package Upgrade
Chuck E. Cheese’s mascot was arrested mid-party in Tallahassee for credit card fraud, giving kids an unforgettable law enforcement birthday moment.
Brigitte Macron Sues Candace Owens, Candace Responds: ‘Wouldn’t Be the First Frenchman in Drag to Slap Me’
After Brigitte Macron sued Candace Owens for defamation, Owens clapped back with constitutional rage and couture insults.
IRS to Audit ‘Just the Poors and Regular Liars’ After Trump Budget Cuts Hit Rich-Guy Squad
Trump’s new IRS strategy targets the poor while wealthy taxpayers receive audit immunity and free golf tees.
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