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All the Latest in Finance
Intel Surges After Trump Says Government Will “Draft It in the First Round”
Trump treats the stock market like the NFL Draft, and Intel just went first overall.
Trump Says Powell’s Office Upgrade Is ‘Fireable Offense’ — Also Demands Gold Toilet in White House Bathrooms
Trump calls Powell’s $2.5B Fed remodel a fireable offense, then demands a gold toilet and velvet bidet for the White House.
Jerome Powell Considers Retirement After Dismal Amazon Prime Day Sales
After a report showed a 41% drop in Prime Day sales, Jerome Powell blamed the economy’s fragility on “America’s unhealthy relationship with doorbusters.”
Bessent: 95% of Economists Have TDS, the Other 5% Work for Me
Scott Bessent says most economists suffer from “Tariff Derangement Syndrome,” unless they work for him. Fiscal policy now includes chart pointing and MAGA social media "experts".
5 Key Signs You’ve Made It to the Lower-Middle Class
New research confirms you’ve officially made it to the lower-middle class if you own a Bluetooth air fryer and spend 17% of your income on flavored seltzers.
Consumer Spending Tanks as Men Wander Home Depot Aimlessly for Three Hours, Buy Nothing
Consumer spending fell as Americans abandoned purchases in restaurants, car lots, and especially Home Depot, where vibes replaced budgets.
Trump Blames Shrinking GDP on Economy “Taking a Nap”
The U.S. economy shrank in Q1 2025 as tariffs and trade gaps took a toll. Trump says the data shows “relaxed strength.”
Markets Spooked as Trump Threatens to Replace Powell With Guy in MAGA Hard Hat Who Once Sold Him a Patio
Donald Trump criticized his own Fed pick Jerome Powell for not cutting interest rates, then suggested replacing him with a “real American” in a MAGA hard hat who once laid concrete at Mar-a-Lago.
Trump Launches “TruthTrade” App to Let Patriots Profit Off His Tariff Announcements
Trump unveils “TruthTrade,” a MAGA-exclusive investing app that syncs with his social media posts and features Marjorie Taylor Greene giving stock tips from a throne
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