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All the Latest in Business
Ben Cohen eating ice cream from a cup at a Ben & Jerry’s event
Ben & Jerry’s

Ben Eats Entire Warehouse of Chunky Monkey to Cope With Breakup From Jerry

After Jerry’s dramatic exit, Ben Cohen turns heartbreak into a 400,000-gallon ice cream binge. Vermont runs out of bananas, and fans run out of patience.

3 Min Read
Donald Trump handing fries to a customer at a McDonald’s counter
Donald Trump

Global Shoppers Punish U.S. Over Trump Tariffs, Finally Try Jeans That Fit

Levi’s, Coke, and McDonald’s are watching foreign customers abandon them in droves. Trump calls it winning, but the rest of the world calls it “finally upgrading.”

4 Min Read
Blurry travelers walking through busy U.S. airport terminal.
Department of Transportation

Trump Axes Airline Compensation Rule — Passengers Now Paid in Thoughts and Prayers

Stranded fliers hoping for compensation can now count on prayer instead. The administration says spiritual growth is more valuable than sandwiches, though both remain overpriced.

3 Min Read
Four furries in colorful animal costumes posing together indoors.
Disney

Disney Quietly Hires Furries, Says They’re the Only Ones Who Actually Enjoy Sweating Inside a Giant Mouse Suit

Disney leans into chaos, turning theme parks into a cross between Comic-Con and a litter box.

2 Min Read
Donald Trump showing a signed EO.
Cracker Barrel

Trump Pushes for U.S. to Buy 10% Stake in Cracker Barrel: “America Needs More Biscuit Futures”

Trump wants America to take a 10% stake in Cracker Barrel just like Intel. In his words, biscuits are “a matter of national security.” The plan involves rocking chairs, gravy bonds, and a…

3 Min Read
Donald Trump points during meeting, Intel CEO Lip-Bu Tan gestures while speaking at event
Donald Trump

Trump: ‘Intel Gave Me 10%. Now I Want the Other 90% of Their Secrets’

Trump claimed victory after America purchased 10% of Intel. Then he demanded the remaining 90%, mistaking semiconductors for secret dossiers.

3 Min Read
Side-by-side comparison of old Cracker Barrel logo with man and barrel vs. new text-only logo.
Cracker Barrel

MAGA Furious as Cracker Barrel Erases Old Guy from Logo, Say ‘They Came for Aunt Jemima, Now They’ve Come for Pawpaw’

Cracker Barrel’s new text-only logo has sparked outrage from conservatives who say nostalgia is under attack.

3 Min Read
Hooters waitresses posing in front of restaurant interior
Casual Dining

Hooters Announces Bold $30M Rebrand: “What If We Just Became A Sad Applebee’s?”

Hooters announces a new strategy that replaces iconic uniforms and spicy wings with bland decor and safe appetizer platters.

3 Min Read
Donald Trump speaking at a podium with a painting in the background.
Donald Trump

Intel Surges After Trump Says Government Will “Draft It in the First Round”

Trump treats the stock market like the NFL Draft, and Intel just went first overall.

4 Min Read
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The Folly Times

The Folly Times is your trusted source for news that probably shouldn’t be trusted. We specialize in absurd headlines, political mockery, and stories you didn’t know you didn’t need. Our reporters dig deep, mostly into lunch buffets, to bring you the kind of journalism that makes you laugh, think, and occasionally question humanity.

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