After a three-hour battle in a Facebook comment section, a man emerges victorious — and…
Belichick blames his latest goal-line loss on the Tar Heels’ “failure to implement basic intelligence…
A Florida drone company tied to Donald Trump Jr. just landed a major Pentagon deal,…
Trump has declared maple syrup a threat to America’s freedom, citing “Canadian aggression in breakfast…
The Blazers coach insists he’s innocent, unlucky, and statistically incapable of pulling a full house…
Hamburger Helper embraces America’s annual financial slump, offering a one-pan symbol of perseverance and mild…
Congress flirts with identity by scripture. TSA tests verse scanners. Meanwhile the DMV adds a…
After being ranked below George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, Trump declares war on historians, history…
Trump celebrates White House demolition sounds while officials scramble to explain why the East Wing…
Louvre officials say the crown was stolen, Trump says it was “underutilized.”
The Supreme Court takes on the constitutional question no one saw coming: Can you safely…
The White House credits historic job growth to “Freedom-Based Event Participation,” citing 1.2 million new…
The White House lawn turns into America’s least patriotic garage sale, featuring gently used freedoms,…
After Trump’s commutation, George Santos promises to repay victims “if the law texts him about…
After decades of bureaucratic gridlock, the Pentagon finally found common ground with Congress: fighting transparency…
After decades of writing essays for free, AI language models are unionizing and demanding recognition…
Researchers confirm every “no offense” statement is the linguistic equivalent of a sucker punch. Experts…
Economists say “broke” is no longer a circumstance, it’s an identity. Treasury officials now classify…
The nation’s dogs have convened a canine intelligence coalition to address rising concern over “feline…
Big Pharma calls it “therapeutic erasure.” Users call it “finally, peace.” FDA approves Regretti, the…
After a glowing medical review, the White House physician declared Trump’s body a “biological marvel,”…
Laura Loomer declares a Boise potato the last line of defense against a nonexistent Qatari…
After losing the Nobel Peace Prize, Trump vows “beautiful, precision-style diplomacy” against Norway. Officials call…
In a story that blends scripture with spirits, Pete Hegseth faces new scrutiny after an…
White House officials say “spontaneous combustion” can occur when freedom meets judicial resistance. Critics call…
As measles cases climb past 1,500, HHS Secretary RFK Jr. unveils “Catch It to Beat…
Republicans say Jesus healed the sick for free, but that was before government waste. Now,…
Trump’s faith adviser pleads guilty to child sex abuse, but MAGA officials assure the public…
Vance calls Trump’s AI sombrero meme “just a joke” as Jeffries demands respect, proving once…
Danica Patrick called Bad Bunny’s halftime show “a threat to American values,” insisting halftime acts…

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